


Lost boy's lullaby

by hanjihyun



Series: Trip to Neverland [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Full of Angst, HAHAHAH I'm so evil, Haven't moved on from Endgame still, Hurt Peter, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt Tony Stark, Let's torture ourselves more, MAJOR HURT, More Endgame feels, Not Canon Compliant, Pain, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Snaps, Precious Peter Parker, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, major feels, major pain, prepare to cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-06-27 13:02:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19791439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanjihyun/pseuds/hanjihyun
Summary: "Goodnight my angel, now it's time to sleepAnd still so many things I want to say."- Lullaby, Billy JoelPeter was surely tired and exhausted.He has been exhausted since five... years ago? Right? He has been fighting Thanos since that time and he had been beaten up pretty badly. And of course, who would have forget the time that he actually died--disintegrating second by second on an unfamiliar planet, fighting the inevitable of fading away... fading into nothingness. He has been fighting since that time and now, he just couldn't get any break, could he?"I know that it has been tiring... I know you're so tired, baby... I know you're so tired..." Tony wept, his eyes stinging as he placed a peppery kiss on Peter's cheeks. "You can rest now, baby. Rest now, Petey," Tony mumbles as he went back on burying his face on the kid's shoulder.--Just read the tags and you'll know! ♥





	1. Sleep

_Vision_. That was the first thing that Peter got back as his atoms reformed on the orange ground of Titan. And as he lay there, he watched the skies above him--broken things floated around the skies, destruction and wreckage was evident, and then he saw the purplish blue sky above him and somehow, he was entranced by it. It looks beautiful, magnificent just like the Earth's but like... more majestic. And somehow, he wished he could watch the skies forever.

But then he was snatched out of his reverie when his sense of _feeling_ came back next--he can feel the slow thump of his heart as he was slowly brought back to reality, the grainy ground that he was lying in and the blow of the wind around him.

Then _hearing_ \--he hears it, the whistling of the wind, the chatters of the people around him and then... the sound of his heart beating, ... and then he heard four other beats which he found... odd. Because something _felt_ missing. There... there should be five other more, right?

Well, that is, if his Math is right which most the time is...

 _My heartbeat... Slightly erratic but it's there._ Peter pondered to himself, listening more closely.

 _Mr._ _Clean's heartbeat--Drax's_ , he could hear too and... _Mantis... then Peter_ \--no, not him but Star Lord-- _Peter Quill_.

And then...

 _Dr. Strange's_.

And then there was silence.

"Peter, are you listening to me?!" someone asked, slowly shaking him from his trance and then he realized that everyone was crouching in front of him--looking at him and checking if he's alright.

Well he wasn't, actually, because he just felt so tired and exhausted. He just wanted to slip back to nothingness but the emptiness in his heart feels otherwise.

Something's missing and he needed to find it... _Find him._

"M-Mr. Stark, w-where is h-he?" Peter asks, disoriented as he finally sit up with the help of Peter Quill.

"It's been five years Peter," Dr. Strange answers back that quickly got the kid's attention.

"F-five years?!" Peter asked, shocked, as he stares at the sorcerer.

 _How can five--how... is that even possible?_ Peter asks himself.

Peter has thousand of questions in his head. He wanted to ask and find the answers but the kid didn't have any time to process everything that was supplied to him because as soon as he got up, Doctor Strange started opening up his weird, yellow sparkly thingy's.

"Come on, they need us!" the man exclaimed as the portal started opening up, revealing... chaos.

Peter saw everything in front of him--an army... of Thanos and well, Thanos himself. And then he next saw everyone--Captain America, Black Panther, Thor... everyone was there and--

"Mr. Stark?" Peter mumbles absentmindedly as he stared at his mentor from a distance, relieved to finally see him.

"Peter," someone called and Peter found Dr. Strange as he whipped his head to the side. Peter just stared at the man, waiting for him to speak, "We're going to fight and now, we couldn't lose." the sorcerer exclaimed, "We couldn't lose again Peter, you understand that, right?"

Peter was surprised--he doesn't know why they were having this talk right now but the kid just listens like the nice kid he is, so he nodded even though he doesn't quiet understand.

"Peter, you give your best fight right now, you hear me?" the doctor asks again and the spiderling couldn't help but to just nod.

"I... I will," Peter answers back, nodding even though his body was screaming in exhaustion.

"Good, cause we're going to need to win this thing," Dr. Strange whispers as he diverted his eyes away from the kid and to the army in front of them.

"Avengers," Captain America shouted as the Mjolnir flew right to his hand, "Assemble."

Peter was surely tired and exhausted.

He has been exhausted since five... years ago? Right? He has been fighting Thanos since that time and he had been beaten up pretty badly. And of course, who would have forget the time that he actually died--disintegrating second by second on an unfamiliar planet, fighting the inevitable of fading away... fading into nothingness. He has been fighting since that time and now, he just couldn't get any break, could he?

But even though he was tired, he still gave a fight. And even though he was knocked down on his knees, brought down by this freaking aliens... no matter how much he falls... he will always find a way to get back up because that's what Spiderman does, right?

Yeah.

So he fought, harder.

And he has one thing in mind--find Mr. Stark.

He doesn't know why, but he just wants to find the man because this battlefield is full of uncertainty. No one knows what will happen next and he's not betting on anything so he searched... until he finally saw him.

Peter quickly shoot out a web, pulling the alien away from his _fa_ \--mentor and quickly killing it as giAnt-man stepped on the enemy.

"Hey!" Peter exclaimed as he quickly leaped towards Tony, helping the man back on his feet, "Holy cow! You will not believe what has been going on," the kid blabbered, "Do you remember when we're in space?" the kid asked, staring straight into the billionaire's eyes. And he couldn't help but to feel the overwhelming relief to see his hero in front of him.

 _Mr. Stark's alive and that's all that matters right now._ Peter thought but not stopping his blabbering because that is how he got rid of the nerves in his system. He talks and talks until the thoughts in his head dies down, it was kind of his coping mechanism.

And now, seeing Tony again, just puts peace in his mind.

And for Tony, the moment he saw that same, beautiful brown Bambi eyes, he couldn't help but to stare at the kid's face. He was looking at the kid weirdly, crooking his neck to the side as if to make sure that the kid is real--that he is alive.

 _Peter._ Tony thought. _Peter's in front of me and he looks... he looks so young. Five years have passed, right? Then why does he still looks the same? But... yeah, he's safe and that's all that matters._

"And I got all dusty? I must've passed out, 'cause I woke up and you we're gone," Peter continued.

 _Passed out is downplaying it a bit._ Tony thought. _You died in my arms, Pete. You did. I saw how you faded away like the wind..._

"But Doctor Strange was there, right? He was like, 'It's been five years, come on they need us!'" the kid continued blabbering, even choking in his words as Tony watched the kid in front of him.

_He's still the same. The same kid who blabbers when he's nervous and the same kid who changed me for the better. The reason why I did all this._

"And then he started doing the yellow sparkly thingy that he does all the time--" Peter continued blabbering with actions to match but Tony couldn't help it anymore. He needed to make sure that this is real--that his kid... that Peter is safe and real... real in the flesh. So he pulled the kid into his chest, encasing Peter in his arms as he hugged him. "W-what are you--"

_I missed you kid._

And at that moment, Peter just felt safe and he didn't want to let go. He just wanted to feel the familiar warmth that Tony gives him. "Oh, this is nice," the kid commented, sighing and almost sagging in his mentor's arms as he returned the hug back.

"Oh kid," that was all that Tony could let out as he placed a peppery kiss on the kid's cheeks.

He wanted to say so many things but couldn't... because there's still this annoying purple grape coming to get them so Tony shut up. But not before _promising_ himself that he will tell all the things in his mind to Peter once this all ends.

Tony will tell Peter about Morgan-- _gosh, he's going to be the perfect big brother for her_ \--and then they will spend their days together and the billionaire's sure that Peter will love his kid just like how Morgan loves Peter.

Because yeah, he told his daughter all about Spiderman because why wouldn't he? Spiderman is _great_ and Morgan thinks the same too--the girl even has a Spiderman plushie that she always hugs whenever she goes to sleep. And as much as his ego can accept, Spiderman is Morgan's favorite hero.

"So it's 2023 now, yeah?" Peter asks out of the blue, making Tony release the boy from his arms, "So does that mean--oh my gosh! Trolls World Tour already showed in the theaters! Man, I missed it, didn't I?" the kid asks, completely serious about it that it made Tony laugh.

"Gosh kid, know your priorities," Tony muttered, laughing, and somehow, the sound made Peter smile.

"Couldn't help it," Peter shrugs, smiling.

"Can I bench you right now?" Tony asks, joking, "You should probably sit this one out and just be safe and--"

"No! Mr. Stark--"

Tony just smiles, _Gosh I miss this kid's retorts_ , "I'm kidding kid," the man muttered, "I'm pretty sure that even if I tie and lock you down, you'll still find a way and disobey me so I won't take that chance." Tony said as he ruffles the kid's curly hair, "Just please don't do anything reckless, okay? Remember don't do things that I--"

" _You would_ _do and definitely things that you wouldn't do._ Yeah, I memorized that already but I don't quite understand," the kid answered back sheepishly, because in truth, he understood every little detail in Tony's words.

He understood it, it's just the matter of obeying his mentor or not.

"Are you guys just going to stand there and catch up?!" somebody shouted and to no surprise, it's Doctor Strange.

"Yeah, wanna join?" Tony asks sarcastically and all the sorcerer did was roll his eyes.

"I better get going now, Mr. Stark! Well, before Doctor Strange yells at us again." Peter informed the billionaire, chuckling.

"Be safe Peter," Tony mumbles, putting his hand on the kid's shoulder before he could leave. _I can't lose you again._ Tony wanted to say it but decides otherwise and settled for better words,"I missed you kid," the billionaire finally admitted, cupping the boy's cheeks in the process and Peter just smiles, nodding.

"Missed you too Mr. Stark," the kid answers back, smiling.

"Parker! Get back on the field, now!" It was Doctor Strange's voice and Tony immediately scowled at the sorcerer.

Tony glared towards the man and shouted, "You're ruining the moment, Strange!"

"And we're losing the battle, Stark! So get back on the field before you guys die!" Doctor Strange shouted back while fighting some of Thanos' army.

"You better get going now kid before the sorcerer whips our ass out." Tony jokes and Peter just nods with a beautiful smile in his face.

"See you later, Mr. Stark," the kid muttered as he shoots out the web.

"And Peter, call me Tony!" Tony shouted as the kid swings away from him.

Tony didn't know if the kid heard him or not but it was worth the shot. They're past formalities now and it would really make the billionaire happy if Peter just calls him Tony... or _Dad_ , whatever the kid wants--he's ready to take it, just not 'Mr. Stark', it makes him feel older.

When Peter was out of sight, the billionaire quickly flew towards Doctor Strange, "Hey, you said one out of 14 million, we win, yeah?" Tony asks as soon as he landed just beside the sorcerer, "Tell me this is it," the genius demanded because he just wanted to make sure.

He wanted to make sure that this is the timeline that they win because if this isn't it, Tony wasn't ready to feel the same failure and to lose people again--certainly not his family--Pepper and Morgan, Rhodey and Happy... and certainly not Peter, again.

He doesn't know what he'll do if he lose anyone again.

There was a glint in the sorcerer's eyes and Tony couldn't pinpoint the reason why... but the man looks so sad, _Why? Are we losing in this timeline?_ Tony thought because the look from Strange just gives it all away.

"If I tell you what happens, it won't happen." Strange answers back, looking at the billionaire.

Tony began to feel uneasy and he just hopes that this is it, "This better be it," the billionaire whispers as he charged away, leaving the sorcerer alone. "Because if this isn't it, I don't know what I'll do,"

"I hope you forgive me for this, Stark," Strange whispers.

The whole while has been a rush and seriously, Peter couldn't even remember all that happened, but one thing he's sure of--they were losing. After the awesome flying girl took the gauntlet from him, everything just became a haze. An army of women helping him out, Captain America and Thor fighting the others and then the explosion--the car that Ant-Man was working on exploded as Thanos threw at it. Then he saw Tony running towards the gauntlet but never touching it as Thanos stopped him.

Then Thor.

Then Captain America came.

Then the same flying woman came again, stopping Thanos before he could even snap again.

And Peter was scared.

 _We're losing._ The thought dawned on the kid as he watched everyone fight their hardest but it was never enough. Well, not until the flying woman used her powers, jerking the gauntlet away. Peter watched as the gauntlet perfectly landed in front of him.

"Peter!" someone shouted and he was familiar with that voice.

He memorized it.

"M-mr. Stark?" he asks as he looks at his mentor from a distance, the man was struggling to run towards him with his broken Iron Man suit and he was sure that Thanos would arrive to him first before Tony could.

"Peter throw that to me! Come on, kiddo!" Tony shouted as the man started running towards his kid's place.

Peter quickly grabbed the gauntlet as he watched everything around him. If he throw the gauntlet, he was risking it to land in the wrong hands so he knew it wasn't an option. No one was also near him so he couldn't just give it to the others. And when he was running out of options, his eyes caught Doctor Strange, the sorcerer was completely staring at him while holding off the sea that threatened to subdue them.

_Fourteen million timelines... and they won in only one._

Doctor Strange mouthed Peter's name as the sorcerer held up his _one_ finger up, boring his eyes into the kid. Peter has always been smart and he immediately knew what that meant.

 _This is the timeline that we win._ Peter thought as he diverted his eyes away from the doctor, looking at the massive Titan running towards him and well, his mentor who was racing against the latter.

And at that moment, he knew what he needed to do.

"Karen!" Peter shouted as he ran opposite from the armies who was after him.

"Yes Peter?" the AI asked.

"Activate the Lost boy protocol," the kid exclaimed, shouting, as he ran for his life away from the Mad Titan and... away from Tony.

"But Peter, it is only activated if you're dying and I can assure you right--"

Peter quickly cut the AI off, "I created the protocol Karen, I know what I'm doing," the kid muttered, "Activate it now!"

"Pet--"

"Karen," Peter called, weary, "Please," he plead, his voice breaking.

"O... okay Peter," the AI finally relented, "Lost boy protocol activated,"

"Thanks Karen," the kid mumbles, "You did a great job being my _partner_ ," Peter exclaims as he finally halted, facing the army that was after him.

He calculated his time left from the distance of the army after him and he knew he only have a few seconds before Thanos reaches him.

"It was my pleasure being your partner, Peter." Peter almost swore he heard some emotions from the AI. Almost an unspoken _thank you and I love you._

The kid smiles. Karen's voice always reminded him of his mother he doesn't know why, since he really can't remember much of his parents but well, maybe he'll finally see and hear if Karen really does sound like his mom after all this shebang.

"Mr. Stark is calling you, should I--"

"Answer it Karen," the kid exclaimed, not wasting any second because he was running out of it.

"What the fuck are you doing Parker?!" Tony shouted from the other line as soon as the call went through, he was completely angry towards the kid and his voice held so much emotion, Peter was sure of it.

Fear, anger, pain, disappointment, terror, _love._

Well Peter wasn't sure about the last one but he likes to think that love is really one of the emotions that Tony managed to slip in his voice.

"Mr. Stark, have you ever seen the movie Peter Pan?" Peter asks, panting.

_I am a lost boy from Neverland._

_Mr. Stark should really watch that movie and listen to that song by Ruth B. It's a great movie... the song is good too._

Peter smiles, remembering the film and every lyrics to the song.

"Priorities here, kiddo! I already told you!" the man answered back angrily, "Now shut up and let me have the gauntlet!"

Peter just smiles as he sighs, defeated, "I will..." the kid mumbled, "I will shut up, later, but just... just give me a couple of seconds before I do, yeah?" the kid mumbles as he eyes the Mad Titan nearing him, "It's going to be okay Mr. Stark. I got this, don't worry,"

Peter finally slipped the gigantic gauntlet into his hand. It didn't fit but he'll make it work. And as soon as the kid wore the gauntlet, unbearable pain coursed in his veins. The power of the stones were just too much for the kid as he doubled over, clutching his arms as the power courses through his body. He didn't shout in pain or cry, he just kneeled there as he focused all his energy on hearing Tony's frantic voice, grounding him from the pain.

"Peter, kiddo!" Tony exclaimed, "Don't... don't do this please..." he could hear it now-- _Mr. Stark's crying._

"E-everything's going to be o-okay Mr. S-stark," the kid rasped as he raised his hand. "T-trust me, T-tony,"

The billionaire heard it-- _Tony_. Peter called him Tony for the first time and it just rips his heart apart to be actually hearing that right now.

"Because a-all you n-need is faith, t-trust..." Peter breathed as he smiles, "and pixie-d-dust."

And he snapped.

There was a blinding light from where Peter was standing and all Tony could do was watch.

"No! Peter!" the billionaire shouted as he ran as fast as he could, almost stumbling in the process just so he could arrive to Peter's side faster because he needed to... wanted to.

Thanos started to fade, as well as his armies, returning to where they are meant to be... where they should be but Tony didn't as much care. He needed to go to Peter, he needed to go to his kid.

Peter didn't feel anything when he snapped, just pure fatigue and overwhelming feeling of relief because they won, right? They finally won against Thanos?

Peter slowly opened his eyes, his eyes blurry as his body gave up from under him. He fell back against some structure as his strength left him, sighing as he did so.

The kid watched as Thanos and his armies started fading away into nothingness just like what happened to him back in the desolated planet of Titan.

He remembered how it felt and thought that that would be the worst pain he could ever feel but then his sense of feel started creeping back to him. And the pain started enveloping his being like some weird plague eating him alive and he was sure that nothing would top the pain he's feeling right now.

But he couldn't care less about the pain anymore because they finally won.

It was over.

_Finally over._

_I could finally rest cause this freaking damn day has been exhausting to say the least._ Peter pondered, his mind floating away from reality. He just wanted to close his eyes and just **_sleep_**.

But before he could even close his eyes, someone called him.

"Peter!"

He knew that voice--memorized it even. The voice that he grew up with. The voice that he heard on the television, from the videos that he streamed on his computer, from the guesting that he waited for on the radio, from the conventions that he attended, in order to see the man in person. The man whom he looked up to ever since he was a kid. The man whom he dreamed of as being his father figure because after all the things that happened to his father and his uncle, he needed someone to look up to and learn how to be a man. The man who eventually became the one he dreamed of--his father figure. The man who mentored him to be the best hero he could ever be.

And it saddened the kid to actually be leaving that person behind.

Because Peter will surely miss the Fridays that he spent on the man's tower. The late movie nights that earns them a lecture from Pepper. The missions that he went on with the man to save a city, to save an entire country... and now, the universe. The kid will surely miss the jokes that he shared with his mentor, he will surely miss the feeling of being cuddled every time he wake up from a nightmare in the tower. Surely, Peter will miss the worried look in Tony's face whenever he does something that the man certainly told him not to do. He will miss the look in Tony's face whenever he catch the man off-guard with how brilliant he is. He will miss the things that he did with Tony, the time they spent together.

He will surely miss Tony.

_Badly miss him._

"PETER!" the voice shouted.

And for the first time, Peter hated that voice--the voice was an awful sound he never wished to hear again. Because the owner of that voice had always been calm and collected and the only time the owner of that voice would shout is whenever Peter does something foolish and right now, Peter knew he didn't do anything of that sort.

The voice boomed at the battlefield like a bomb that got everyone's attention, filling the place in an absolute dreary silence.

"Peter, kiddo," the man called again as he finally arrived in front of the kid, crouching down in order to see the kid clearly.

And the sight of the kid broke Tony's heart apart.

"Oh my gosh, Peter." the man exclaimed, lifting his hand up to touch Peter but hesitating--afraid to hurt the kid even further.

"H-hey," Peter let out, his voice hoarse and scratchy as he blinks tiredly.

"What-- Why--" Tony asked, his heart breaking as he continually watch the kid in front of him, searching for words to say.

Peter was a mess of blood and tears. The right side of his face marred with what looks like burns as the red blood seeped through it.

"Peter..." Tony called, his voice cracking as he stared at the broken kid, "C-can y-you... can you hear me?" the billionaire asks as he finally had the courage to caress Peter's cheeks, leading his eyes to land on his face.

Peter didn't answer, his eyes falling shut as he breathes painfully. "Uh huh," Peter hummed, answering his mentor.

"Why-- Why the fuck did you do that Parker?!" Tony shouted, his tone strident, his words angry. "I told you not to fucking do anything reckless! You really do love disobeying me, huh?!" the man asks, his voice breaking as tears started streaming down his face.

Peter just chuckles humorlessly as he slowly opened his eyes, "You would've d-done the same thing if i-it were you... I just b-beat you out of i-it." the kid mumbles, smiling slightly.

"I told you not to do anything that I would do, right?! I even reminded you! You even memorized it!" Tony exclaimed, his heart beating so loud it was ringing in his ears, "You fucking told me that!"

Peter chuckles again but now with pure humor. The kid even quirked up his lips as he stares back at Tony, "I told you I-I didn't u-unders-stand y-your words,"

Tony didn't answer back, his voice caught up in his throat as he cried... cried in front of the kid who looked up to him, in front of the kid whom he _loves_.

He couldn't take this... can't accept this.

"May..." Peter rasped, "Tell her... I-I'm s-sorry."

"No Peter!" Tony retorted, "You... you tell her yourself... I'm, I'm not your freaking messenger," the man muttered as he harshly wiped the tears off his face, "We're going to get you some help, okay?" Tony mumbles as he tried and search for Doctor Strange, his eyes leaving Peter.

And Peter didn't like it. He didn't want Tony's eyes to leave his so he mustered all his remaining strength as he placed his hand on top of Tony's hand by his chest.

"T'ny," Peter called.

Tony heard him, of course. He heard the small, broken voice beside him. He looked back towards Peter but not before squeezing his eyes so hard, it would bruise.

"Yeah, kiddo?" the man asks, smiling slightly towards the kid.

"We won?" he asks, unsure, the pain clouding his mind as he felt his whole body shutting down--it was like Titan all over again.

Tony nodded, his tears still streaming down his face, "We did, kiddo. We won... and that's all because of you," the billionaire exclaimed as he cupped Peter's face, feeling the familiar baby-soft skin that he have loved, "I'm so proud of you, Pete."

That made Peter's heart swell, the familiar warmth spreading in his chest as he heard those words from Tony.

Peter _smiled_.

A beautiful, genuine smile.

"You really have such beautiful smile, kiddo, I've missed it," Tony sobbed as he kissed Peter's forehead, "Now stay still while we get help, okay?" Tony muttered, "Don't... don't close your eyes, you hear me?" the man demanded as he looked for Strange but no matter how much he looked, he couldn't see straight with his teary eyes. "Strange! S-strange, where the--"

"T'ny," Peter called, again, and it quickly got the man's attention as Tony looks back at the kid.

"Yeah, kiddo?" the man asks.

"I love you," the kid mumbles.

And that was all it took for Tony to sob and break down.

Tony _wept_.

His shoulders shaking as he lowered his head down, not wanting to see Peter's broken face--not wanting Peter to see his own broken face. He cried, his chest heaving as the familiar tightness surrounded it--the same tightness that he felt when Peter faded into nothingness in Titan.

The feeling of emptiness.

"Peter, please... don't... don't do this to me," Tony pleads, crying. "We still have so... so many things to do, Petey." the man cried, "Y-you haven't even met Morgan yet. You... you're a big brother now, kiddo."

"Morgan?" the name rolled off from Peter's tongue as he smiles, "Sister..." he mumbles.

"Yeah," Tony nods, rubbing his thumb on Peter's cheeks, "She loves you, you know? Loves Spiderman so much and well... loves Peter Parker just as much... She even said your name when he was a year old, kiddo. Right after she learned the word mommy,"

Peter smiles, nodding.

 _At least Mr. Stark's not alone as I leave... at least he has someone now to look after him._ Peter thought.

"Love h-her too," Peter whispers, his voice getting smaller and smaller by the second.

"Tell her that yourself, okay?" Tony exclaims, "I'll get Strange here, Petey, then we'll play with Morgan when you're fixed, hmm? Don't be scared, kiddo."

"'M not," the kid whispers.

He wasn't, really. How could he be when he's in the most safest place in the whole world? Why would he be afraid when Tony's here with him?

"Love you dad," Peter mustered his remaining strength to say that and he was proud of himself when he managed to let it out.

Tony sobbed, nodding, "I love you too, Peter... I love you so so much, baby,"

Peter called him dad and he would've been celebrating right now because it took years for Peter to actually say _dad_ , much less Tony's own name. He has always been addressed as 'Mr. Stark' or 'Sir' and he didn't like it because he felt like it was drawing a clear line between their relationship and now that he finally hears it from Peter's mouth, he couldn't even feel the happiness in his heart.

It was breaking his heart because this might be the last time he would hear it.

Until he decided that this wouldn't be the last time.

Because he'll _fix_ Peter... he will... he will save his kid.

"Stay awake, kiddo, please," the man begged, his hands brushing away Peter's brown locks, "Please... please stay awake... stay awake, Peter..." Tony sobbed, gripping the kid's suit like a life line, "Stay awake... stay... stay with me, please," he called. "Don't... don't leave me, please Peter... please don't leave me."

"I won't," Peter answers back, "I'll always be h-here..." the kid comforted as he slipped into a coughing fit.

He was losing time and he knew it. Everything was getting hazy and he knew he only have a couple of seconds before he finally leaves.

"Peter..." Tony called as the kid slowly closes his eyes. "Peter, open your eyes!" the man shouted, his voice full of panic.

"'M tired," Peter whispers back as he felt the icy feeling at the back of his neck and he knew his time was up.

"Peter? Hey, Pete... please," Tony begged, yet again, but all his pleas was falling on deaf ears.

"S-so tired," Peter whispers, his strength fleeting away from his fingertips.

Tony sobbed because he knew what was happening... denial could only last you so much, "No Peter! O-open your eyes, please..."

And Peter did... he listened one last time as he opened his eyes and mustering the only strength left as the word rolled from his tongue, "Dad..." the mumbles, smiling.

And then Peter's eyes closed, losing _vision_.

"No, no! Peter! Peter... stay with me, please... Stay,"

And then Peter felt his heart slowing down... 

"Please don't leave me Peter..." Tony begged as tears streamed down his face like waterfall, not stopping for even a second.

Tony couldn't stand it so he quickly pulled Peter into a hug, burying his face onto the crook of Peter's neck as the kid's head lolled forward into the older man's shoulder, resting there.

_I will always be here, dad, always._

"Don't leave me please... I'll... I'll always be here when you need me. I... I promise you I won't yell at you anymore. I'll.... We'll... I'll let you meet Morgan, baby just please... please stay with me." Tony wept, his crying intensifying as he felt like someone was squeezing his heart so hard, he couldn't breathe.

He held onto Peter, hugging the kid so hard the kid might get squished but Tony didn't care. He wanted to feel Peter's warmth even for the last minute.

_God, just please... give us more time. Please God, just... just a little time... Please... don't, don't take my child._

Peter couldn't move anymore but he was still a little aware. He can still feel his heartbeat on his chest as well as Tony's that was pressed against his body. He can still hear... hear Tony's pleas.

And even though he felt a tiny bit scared of the unknown and even though he was dead-tired, he felt peace just by being encased in Tony's embrace... it just puts him at ease.

_"Goodnight my angel, now it's time to dream and dream how wonderful your life will be,"_

Peter didn't realized it at first but then it dawned on him as he continued listening to the voice--Tony was singing and Peter was happy to hear it.

It was the same song that Tony sings to him whenever he couldn't go back to sleep after a nightmare. It was the song that lulled the kid to sleep while in the arms of the man he considered his father.

Peter loved the song and promised that he would also sing that song to his future child, but maybe, promises are really meant to be _broken_.

Peter loved Tony's voice. It was soothing... and just like the song's title, it was a lullaby for the kid. It never failed to make Peter fall back to sleep... never failed to calm his erratic heart and right now, it was making its magic once again.

Lulling the child to his _sleep_ , calming his erratic heart.

 _"Someday your child may cry, and if you sing this lullaby then in your heart there will always be a part of me,"_ Tony continued to sing, his voice breaking in every note as he rocks the kid in his arms--the same way he does whenever Peter was scared.

He held Peter in his arms, face hidden in the crook of Peter's shoulder as he sings for his child one last time.

Peter wanted to smile. He wanted to leave this world with a smile on his face and he just hope that he really is smiling.

Then Peter felt his heart slowly beating...

_Thump... Thump... Thump... ... ... Thump... .... Thump..._

Then Peter's sense of _feeling_ started drifting away and now, he just felt numb.

_"Someday we'll all be gone but lullabies go on and on... They never die, that's how you and I will be."_

Tony finished, the lullaby ending as he cried in Peter's shoulder. Burying his face deeper just to smell Peter's familiar scent... it was the perfume that Tony bought for the kid for his 16th birthday--one of the few gifts he gave Peter. It smelled nice--earthy and soft...

"You did great Peter," Tony mumbles that only Peter and him could hear, "You did really good, baby," Tony praised, "Don't worry... It's going to be okay now Petey. Everything's going to be okay..." Tony sobbed as he gripped harder on the kid, feeling the irregular beat of Peter's heart from his chest.

"I know that it has been tiring... I know you're so tired, baby... I know you're so tired..." Tony wept, his eyes stinging as he placed a peppery kiss on Peter's cheeks. "You can rest now, baby. Rest now, Petey," Tony mumbles as he went back on burying his face on the kid's shoulder.

_I love you dad, so much._

"I love you so much, Peter..." Tony sobbed, "I love you baby,"

Peter's heart slowly thumped.

_Thump... .... ... ... Thump..._

Peter's last senses finally drifted away from him--his _hearing_. A peaceful silence engulfed the kid.

_Thump..._

Then the kid finally _let go,_ calm and peace claiming him.

And then there was nothing. Peter's heart thumped one last time until it stopped.

_Peter Parker was gone._

_Spiderman fell and he wasn't able to get back up again._

🎶

 _I promised I would never leave you_  
_Then you should always know_  
_Wherever you may go, no matter where you are_  
_I never will be far away  
_ _Goodnight my **angel** , now it's time to sleep_

_\- Lullaby, Billy Joel_

🎶


	2. Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, writing this made me cry like a baby! AAAH :-(

The moment Tony sang Peter's lullaby, the billionaire finally accepted what was going to happen. The moment Tony sang the last note from the song, he knew that it was only a matter of time until Peter's heart gives up. The moment Tony praised Peter for a job well done, he knew that it would be the last time that his child would ever hear praises from him again. The moment Tony told his child that everything's going to be okay, he decided to not be selfish and just let his child go.

The moment Tony told Peter to rest, he _meant_ it. Tony saw how his child battled with death just to buy some more time for his mentor. Tony saw how Peter held on so hard because the kid recognized the pain in his own eyes--the painful look of being left behind. Tony saw how tired Peter was from everything that happened. He saw the tears that Peter tried to hide so hard when the kid confessed that he was tired.

He knew that his child was hurting and he couldn't do anything but to give the kid in front of him reassurances in order for him to stop fighting--stop fighting the pain, the unconsciousness... death... to just _let go_. Because no matter how Tony wanted to keep Peter alive, he knew that it was impossible. And him, stopping the inevitable will only prolong his child's pain and agony... and he, he couldn't do that to his child.

The moment Tony told Peter how much he loves him, his heart broke.... broken into a million pieces that he isn't sure if it could ever be fixed. His child was dying and he couldn't do anything to stop it. All he could do was to watch--front seat to his son's final moments. And he knew that it would play in his nightmares every night.

The moment Tony called Peter his baby for the last time, he wished Peter knew that he cherishes him like his own child. Because Peter is his child... his kid--his first born child in all aspects other than their name. Peter is his son that he never had but wished to have. Peter was the catalyst that made Tony feel worthy of being a father--Peter was the reason why Tony wanted to be better. But now, his child... his son is gone.

And the moment Tony felt Peter's heart stopping... the moment Peter's heart seized to thump, all rationality in Tony's mind crumbled, like a sandcastle being washed away by the huge waves in a beach.

The moment Tony heard nothing but silence, denial came back to the billionaire in full force, refusing to acknowledge that Peter Parker is _gone_.

"Peter? Hey kiddo," Tony called as soon as he couldn't feel the rise and fall of Peter's chest.

He break away from hugging Peter as he shook the kid gently.

"Peter, kiddo," the billionaire calls again but he received no answer.

His son didn't answer as Peter's head lolled lifelessly to the side.

"Parker! Wake up!" Tony shouted, his voice urgent as he shook the kid once again.

He didn't answer. His heart not beating. His chest not rising and falling. His mouth not drawing any breath.

"Tones," someone called--it was Rhodey.

"Fuck," Tony cursed as he started banging on Peter's chest.

The soldier crouched beside his best friend, offering comfort as he placed his hand on Tony's shoulder, patting it.

"Peter, wake up, young man! You need to fucking wake-up you ungrateful shit!" Tony shouted, shaking the kid's lifeless body in front of him, "Wake up right now Parker! That is a freaking order!" the billionaire continued to shout, breaking the heart of all the people in the battlefield, "Wake the fuck up Peter! Stop disobeying me for just one fucking second, will you?!" Tony exclaimed, his heart erratic and his lungs protesting against him as he struggled to breathe.

_"It's going to be okay Mr. Stark. I got this, don't worry,"  
_

Rhodey winced as he listened at Tony's ruthless words because the lieutenant knew that his best friend will never use that tone of voice--much less the words to be directed at Peter.

"Tony," Rhodey called again but it seemed like the billionaire couldn't hear him.

"Peter!" Tony shouted again, hugging the kid back as he burrowed his face back on Peter's neck, smelling the familiar scent of his child, "Peter... please come back," the man cried, rocking back and forth, "Please Peter... don't leave me," Tony sobbed, his breath hitching, "I'm sorry..." Tony whispered, "I'm sorry for saying those words to you... I'm sorry," Tony continued, "You... you're not ungrateful... I'm sorry for using those words, baby... I'm sorry, I won't do that again, baby... I'm sorry,"

_"I love you,"  
_

Tony continued apologizing to Peter as the man watched how Peter's skin started paling, his lips turning to blue and as he listened to the silence in Peter's chest.

And the man couldn't accept it. The world was not allowed to continue when Peter is this still. Because Peter wasn't supposed to be still and this dull. Peter was meant to be the meaning of life, the brightness of the sun, the bounce of a ball. Peter was meant to be the loud, annoying little kid from Queens, Peter is the laugh so contagious, you'd laugh with him. Peter is the positive in everything, the rainbow after the storm, the good in everything.

And now all those are gone--gone with the child in his arms.

_"Love you dad,"  
_

"Tony," It was Steve now, calling his comrade as he started walking towards the three men.

"NO!" Tony shouted, his voice echoing in the dreary silence of the battlefield, "Don't fucking come near us Rogers!" the man exclaimed as he hugged Peter again.

The billionaire continued crying, his heart being squeezed every time he drew a breath and he felt like he deserved this agony. He deserved to hurt every time he breathes because he didn't do anything to keep his son alive.

Everything around Tony felt so wrong. Because the kid in front of him was the reason why all the _dusted_ people were back. Peter was the reason why he worked on the time heist for five fucking years. The reason why Tony worked every night at the back of Pepper just to find a way to bring Peter back. Tony prayed day and night for the past five years for Peter to go back, for Peter to go back into their arms, safe and sound. Tony begged God to let him keep his child in his arms, he begged all the deities, the gods to not take his child away from him.

But Tony felt like no one listened.

They took Peter away from him--the one person he wished so bad to come back did came back but only for a minute. Peter has been back for only a fucking small amount of time only to be taken away from him again. And Tony couldn't even describe the pain he was in.

_"I'll always be h-here..."  
_

"Get Strange, Rhodey," Tony mumbled, his voice sturdy as he barked out a command, "Call Strange and let him fix Peter."

Rhodey felt pity towards his friend but he knew that denial will only take a painful blow towards Tony, "Tones, Peter's gone... Peter's not coming back--"

"No," Tony answered back, his voice calm, "Strange will fix him. We'll use the time stone to bring my baby back so go and call him," the man mumbles, staring at the lifeless boy in front of him, holding Peter's _cold_ hands.

"Tony--"

_"Dad..."  
_

"Fucking call the sorcerer or I swear I'm going to lose my shit right now!" Tony shouted.

Doctor Strange sighed, emerging from the army of heroes as he started walking towards the billionaire, "I'll take it from here Colonel," the man mumbles, patting Rhodey's shoulder.

Rhodey just nods as he started backing away from Tony and Peter.

"Where have you been Strange?" Tony asks, "I have been calling for you for the past fucking minutes!" the man exclaimed, as he whipped his head towards the sorcerer and scowled, "Doesn't matter," Tony mumbles, going back to his calm facade, "Just fix my kid, bring him back."

"Tony," Doctor Strange mumbles, sighing, "We can't do what you're asking me to do... It was the only way."

Tony, who has been in a fucking roller coaster, turned his head towards the man who just spoke, registering the words that the man just uttered.

"Have you seen this?" Tony asks, looking at the man in front of him, everything dawning on him.

"It was the only way we could've win," Strange answers back, guiltily.

Tony stared at the sorcerer with no understanding, his head clouding in anger, as if seeing the man who murdered his child, "You knew this would happen?!" Tony asked, roaring.

And for the first time, Tony stood up as he eyed the man in front of him.

"Tony--"

"No, zip your fucking mouth, you murderer!" Tony shouted, pointing an accusing finger on the sorcerer, "You did this... You killed my child!"

"Honey, calm down," Tony heard Pepper spoke but he's not yielding, not when he could've saved his child if only Strange warned him about it.

"You--how--why--" Tony was at lost for words as tears started streaming down his face once again, "Why did you even save me?" the man asks, "Why did you even saved me in Titan if Peter was the one who could've done it all?!"

Strange looked down, not having the strength to look at Tony's face.

"Answer me!" Tony shouted as he took the sorcerer in the collar, shouting in his face, "Answer me, damn it!"

"Tony, calm down!" It was Steve who pried the man away from Strange, "Tony, Peter wouldn't want you to do this..."

Tony glared towards the other man, lasers almost coming out of his eyes, "You don't have a say in this Rogers," the man spat, "You don't know who Peter is or what he wants!" Tony growled as he looked away from the people who betrayed him, away from the people whom he treated as friends but chose to stab him in the back.

"Honey," Pepper called, standing in front of the broken man who just lost his son. She cupped Tony's face and smiled lightly, "It's Pepper," she mumbles, knowing that his husband was clouded with enough anger that he would literally lash out on anyone who stands before him.

"Pep?" Tony called, unsure, as soon as he realized that it was Pepper standing before him.

"Yes honey, it's me, it's Pepper," Pepper said, nodding with tears brimming in her own blue eyes.

Tony quickly hugged Pepper tightly, making Tony break down the second time that day, "My son's gone Pepper, my baby's gone..." he cried, crumpling in the arms of the one person he knew wouldn't hurt him, "I've lost him again..." Tony sobbed as they collapsed on their knees, Pepper going down with him.

"Shh, Tony," Pepper cooed but not saying any other words than the man's name because she knew there were no words in this world to calm a wounded father--a father who lost his child.

"I wasn't even able to tell him--to show him I love him..." Tony sobbed.

"No Tony," Pepper whispers in his husband's ears, "He knew everything honey. Peter knew how much you love him... how much _we_ love him,"

"I'm supposed to bring him back..." Tony breathed, burying his head on Pepper's shoulder just like how he held his son, "I'm supposed to bring him home... to Morgan... to May,"

Pepper nods, fisting Tony's curls gently in her hands as she consoled the man, "You will bring him home honey. Peter's going home,"

Tony nods as he break from the hug, mustering all his strength as he crawls back towards his child's place. Pepper followed as she sat beside Tony, to give the man support and to give _her_ child a kiss.

"You did great, sweetie," Pepper whispers, tears streaming down her face as she placed a kiss on Peter's cheeks.

After that, Tony heard the shuffling from the other heroes, leaving the three of them alone. Turning their backs and going back to their own lives as they moved on but for Tony, he couldn't, not him.

So he stared at the kid for minutes, maybe hours as he memorized Peter's face--touching and holding Peter's baby cheeks, brushing and ruffling Peter's curls, staring and placing his hands on top of Peter's chest.

Pepper stayed beside him, rubbing her hands on her husband's arms and on his back. Also memorizing the face of the kid she cherishes as her own child.

"We're getting you home Petey," Tony whispers as he took the kid's hands into his, "We're going home," he whispered as he looked down.

And for the last time, Tony hugged the kid, whispering in his ears, "Dad's bringing you _home_ , baby," Tony mumbles, "I love you, Pete. I love you so much,"

Tony gathered all his strength, composed himself as he carried his child. He carried Peter back to _their_ home.

Tony still couldn't understand.

There were thousands of people who could've done the thing that Peter did. He couldn't understand why it should be his son.

But then he realized, Peter is a self-sacrificing little shit. The kid was just too good for this world.

Peter was one of the greatest people he ever met. The kid suffered so much when he was still young. Peter didn't deserve anything that life tossed to him--Peter didn't deserve to suffer. Because the kid was good--so good that even though the kid lost his parents at an early age, forced to take on the world without his parents to advice him, to take care of him and to love him unconditionally, he still stayed to be that jolly, soulful kid that will surely creep into your heart without you knowing.

That even though Peter was forced to take the blame and the guilt of watching his uncle Ben bleed to death in front of him, the kid never resorted to violence--hell, the kid even refused to kill the vilest people alive.

That even though Peter was bullied in an everyday basis, he still stayed to be the kid to have the biggest heart for everyone. Withstanding the pain of hearing belittling words and to feel alone in the midst of his bullies just so other kids like him wouldn't be bullied. Because just like he said, it's better that it's him because he could stand everything.

Peter was really a self-sacrificing shit.

The kid was ready to toss himself in front of a bullet if it meant giving Tony another day to live. The kid was ready to sacrifice himself just so he could save the man who tried to kill him. The kid was ready to die if it meant saving everyone around him even though it meant that he would have to leave.

Peter was that person. That even though he went through so much, having all the reasons for him to be rebellious, for him to be a bad kid, for him to hate the world... Peter stayed to be the exact opposite. He became a kid with such big heart, so big, the universe could fit inside it.

Peter loved the world so much but the world _hated_ Peter.

But it didn't matter because Tony loves Peter...

And Tony hoped that it was _enough_.

Tony held Peter the whole time they drove to the Medbay since the Avengers facility was totally destroyed just like Tony's world.

Tony held Peter, humming a song on their way back home as if his child could still hear him. And the act earned him pitiful glances from the people who rode with him but he didn't care--he didn't need their pity.

They arrived at the Medbay and it took all the remaining strength from Tony to place his child on the table inside the medical facility. It took a lot of tears before he consented on taking the Spider-suit from his kid. And it took a lot of persuasion for the staff to cover his child's face with the white sheet.

Tony lost it when they did because it felt like finalizing it but good thing Pepper was there to give him the support that he needed. He cried so hard on Pepper's arms until he collected his breath and kissed the kid's forehead one last time.

"I love you, baby," Tony whispered as he placed a feathery kiss on top of Peter.

Tony left, not turning around again because he felt like if he did, he would just run back towards his son and stay there with him forever.

Tony and Pepper left the room, with Peter's original spider-suit in the man's hands. It was late night when Tony and Pepper left the facility, going back home to their cabin.

"Tony, should I make the call?" Pepper asked, speaking for the first time since they left the battle field.

"I should be the one to tell May," Tony whispers, "But not now..." the man mumbles, "I'll... I'll call her tomorrow morning,"

Pepper just nods as she hugs the man for the hundredth time that day.

They finally arrived back in the cabin, Happy welcoming them back with a wide smile in his face, oblivious towards the two who just lost their child. 

"Tony," Happy called as he welcomed the man with a hug.

Tony didn't return the hug back as he continued walking inside the cabin the moment Happy sensed the heavy tension in the air.

"We lost Peter," Pepper whispered, fresh tears brimming in her eyes when Happy gave her a confused look.

Happy's smile crumbled and he felt like a cold bucket of water was thrown at him. _Peter's gone._

Tony went inside the house, his head hung low but then a small, angelic voice welcomed him. The kid was bouncing up and down as she ran towards her worn-out father.

"Daddy!" Morgan called as she hugged the man's legs, "You're back!"

And for the first time that day, Tony smiled, the weight in his heart decreased as he saw the beautiful smile that the small angel was beaming at him.

"Hey Morguna," the man whispers, calling the kid by the nickname that he made for her.

Tony quickly took the kid in his arms and burrowed his face on the kid's shoulder, smelling the faint scent of Morgan's shampoo--Apple.

"Have you defeated the bad guy, daddy?!" the kid asked excitedly, almost jumping while on the arms of her father.

Tony choked, remembering what happened in the battlefield... remembering the one last thump of Peter's heart. The topic was breaking Tony but still, the man forced out a smile and nodded, "Yes, we did, sweetie," he answers back.

"Yeay!" Morgan shouted as she jumped, wriggling away from Tony's arms in the process, "Does that mean he's back, daddy?!" the kid asked innocently, her eyes expectant, "Is Peter back?" she asked, leaving her father in shock in front of her. "Oh my gosh!" Morgan squealed, "Big brother's back!"

"Morgan!" Pepper exclaimed, hearing Morgan's glee, as she quickly ran towards the kid who was jumping up and down, taking the angel in her arms.

"Mommy! Big brother's back, where is he?!" the kid asked as she craned her head towards the empty door of their cabin.

"Who?" Pepper asked, surprised.

"Peter!" Morgan answered back, "Peter's back!"

Pepper's face paled as she quickly hugged the kid so tight, "Morgan, why... why don't we go back to your room and tuck you in? It's already late," Pepper mumbled, eyeing her husband who was still there, staring at the cold floor.

"But Peter!" Morgan retorted, eager to meet her long lost brother.

"You'll... you'll meet him tomorrow, darling," Pepper mutters as she sighed, trying hard not to cry in front of her child, "Come on, let's go to your room."

Tony heard his angel's retorts. He heard how Morgan cried to see Peter and he couldn't help but to feel the blow of pain when he heard Peter's name coming out of Morgan's lips.

He promised to Morgan that he will come back with Peter and he failed.

Because Peter's never going to meet Morgan and Morgan will never have the best brother she could ever have.

Morgan loved Peter so much that even though she still haven't met her brother, she cried for him. She cried because she just wanted to see her brother so bad.

Morgan dreamed that night and it was one of the best dreams she ever had.

_"Wow, who's this pretty little lady?" someone asked and Morgan recognized the voice._

_It was the same voice that her daddy used to listen to in the cabin, the voice that her daddy watched in one of his holographic computers._

_Morgan looked towards the man who called her and she quickly smiled as soon as she saw the familiar curly brown locks and brown Bambi eyes that she saw in many of the picture frames at their home and from the realistic hologram that Morgan once saw in her daddy's laboratory._

**_"Peter!"_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked the chapter and if you do please please tell me what you think because your comments just makes my day! I love you guys so much and see you on the next chapter ♥
> 
> And also, follow me on instagram to get updates regarding my stories and so that we can communicate with each other more. IG: @babyspideyy


	3. Ten and a last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, man. This has been the longest chapter I have ever done in my life. AAAAAHHH! I hope you guys would like this! ♥

Tony was tired.

But even though he was, he couldn't find it in himself to relax. He doesn't have the courage to lie down in bed, close his eyes and sleep because he knows that when he does, everything that happened today will only hunt his dreams. He knows that when he sleeps and closes his eyes, he'll see Peter--broken Peter leaning against some foreign structure at the Avenger's compound upstate. He knew that when he closes his eyes, he'll see the marred and burned face of his kid as he stares back at his mentor with fatigue and exhaustion in his eyes.

And Tony can't see that again--ever again. If only he could erase that from his memories and store so many good pictures and videos of Peter in his head--Peter smiling, Peter laughing, Peter's bright voice. He'd want anything except that memory of Peter _dying_.

Because it hurts--like a black hole gnawing in his heart hungrily as that hole finally devours him. It hurts like being burned alive in a hot furnace. It hurts like the feeling of a kid finding his way back home, feeling scared and hopeless because he was lost.

It hurts because Tony was _lost_.

 _Again_.

He had been lost five years ago when Peter died the first time. Tony had lost himself back in Titan when Peter disintegrated into nothingness in his arms--in front of his eyes. And that scene was a blockbuster in his dreams for years and the only thing that kept him going was his family and the _hope_ that Peter could still come back.

For five years, Tony lived through the pain of losing his child. He coped by being the best father Morgan could ever have, he coped by working his ass off every night just to find a way to bring Peter back, he coped by holding on to the thought that Peter still has a _chance_.

But now, he has to live through that pain again and he doesn't even know how he'll be able to do it one more time because the first time hurt and now, it just feels a million times worse.

Because now, there is _no_ hope in bringing his child back.

The billionaire arrived in his workshop--the same place he spent his nights for five years to make something that could save his sanity. And now, to be here again feels wrong because he knows he will not be able to make anything to bring Peter back--no matter how much he tries, no matter how many money, time and resources he spends, nothing can be made to reverse everything that happened because Peter's never coming back.

Tony held Peter's suit in his hand, the red and blue stained with Peter's crimson blood.

He didn't know what to do with it. He doesn't know if he wanted to throw it away because it reminds him of everything... or keep it and smell Peter's scent left on the suit every time he misses the kid.

Tony threw the suit on the table in front of him, collapsing on the chair as he buries his face on his palms, crying again for the hundredth time that day. And he just hopes that whenever he cry, the pain would decrease, even just a little.

But no, he was wrong because it does the exact opposite--the pain in his chest is eating away his flesh every time he cries. The pain never receded, it only intensified. Because how can a father not hurt when his little boy is gone in the world?

"I can't do this again, kid," Tony whispers, hoping that Peter could hear him, "Peter, baby, I can't... I... I can't do this again. Please, don't... don't make me go through this again..." the billionaire cried, wishing that Peter could hear his pleas and return back.

"I did everything for you kiddo," Tony breathes, "I did everything I can just to bring you back!" Tony shouted, standing up in frustration as he catches his breath, his hands on his hips, "I spent every fucking night in this place just to make something that could bring you back!" Tony exclaimed, pacing around in circles like a madman, "I made that for you, Peter. I brought everyone back just to have you in my arms again."

Tony wailed, his knees buckling as he slumped on the ground, "I did it for _you_ kid," Tony muttered, holding his head in his hand as he breathes painfully, "I brought everyone back... but why... why didn't you?"

Tony spent his entire time sitting there, in the middle of his workshop, crying. He doesn't even know how many minutes, hours he spent there just crying but he knew that no matter how much he cries, Peter will _never_ come back. He knew that no matter how much he cry, it would still hurt--the pain will never leave.

"Mr. Stark?"  
  
  


Tony whipped his head, so fast he got dizzy. Because he knew that voice-- _memorized_ it even. He has memorized it from the constant voicemails that the kid sent to Happy--telling the man the great adventures of Spider-man, helping old ladies, getting cats from the trees, helping people find their lost bikes. He memorized it from the calls through Karen--every time the kid needed help and saving, every time the kid just wanted to piss his mentor off by making him panic. He memorized that voice by listening to the kid's infinite babbling whenever they're working at his lab--talking about science puns, or just telling everything that happened in his day.

And he loved everything about that voice.

Because that belongs to _Peter_.  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_"Is it on? I didn't even check if it--"_

_"Peter, it is on."_

_"Oh, is it? Cool, thanks Karen,"_  
  


Tony felt his heart sank, the hope that he felt completely diminishing as soon as he saw Peter in front of him.

Only, it _isn't_ Peter.  


There, on top of Peter's suit was Peter Parker--a _hologram_ of the kid. And Peter looked alive, his arms moving, his eyes twinkling... his lips, smiling--and all those just seemed right because for Tony, Peter is the definition of life. And there, in the hologram is the definition of it.

Only it wasn't because Peter is _dead_.

 _Who am I even kidding?_ Tony thought. _Why did I even get my hopes up? Hope is_ gone _, Tony. Live with it._

_"Hey Mr. Stark!" the kid beamed as he smiles genuinely, as usual. The kind of smile that melts Tony's heart every time he sees it._

Tony froze. His eyes wide as he stared at the vision of the kid in front of him--and then it broke him. _Oh kid, please don't_ hurt _me this way. Don't... I... Peter..._ Tony sniffled as he watched the kid smile to the camera because it just hurts--so much. Because he knows, knows so well that he will never ever see that gorgeous smile in person again. No matter how much he craves it, he won't. So Tony settled as he crooked his head to the side, almost smiling back painfully as he watched the lively kid in front of him, "H-hey, kid," the man whispers, almost choking in his words.

_"Uhm, I... I don't even know why I'm doing this," Peter sighs as he shifted his bandaged arm to his side, "Actually... I, I do know," the kid mumbles as he turned serious, staring back at the camera, his brows creasing,"I almost died last week Mr. Stark," the kid exclaims, "Remember when we fought those aliens in New York and I got hit by those weird uhm crazy lasers... uhm, I knew that moment that I'm going to die, you know?" the kid was blabbering again as he played with his blanket._

Tony squinted, taking in everything that the hologram was showing him. _Was he filming in a hospital? No--that's... that's the Medbay._ Tony thought as he stared at his kid in front of him--nervous and edgy Peter.

_"You told me that I... uhm, actually flat-lined for like... three, four times? I don't really know," Peter mumbled, "But... that's... that's not the point," the kid breathes, waving his hand in the air as he sits up more attentively, "Uhm, I decided to do this... It's called the Lost boy protocol," Peter explained._

Tony's heart broke as he listened to his kid's voice, remembering the instance that Peter was talking about in the hologram. It was when the kid saved him from being toast--he still remembers it like yesterday. Peter threw himself in front of the alien's lasers in order to save Tony and because of that, Tony almost lost Peter for four... _that was four times, Pete._ Tony thought, correcting Peter at the back of his mind.

 _"Uhm, so this protocol is only activated when I realize that I'm probably going to die or I'm dying. And by the time you see this, I'm probably... dead? I suppose?" Peter asks, unsure as the kid chuckles lightly, "I just hope that I don't activate it and live cause it's going to be really embarrassing on my end," Peter mumbles, laughing, now genuinely._ _"You can say that this is my will, like holographic will." Peter chuckled, shaking his head as he plastered a heart-warming smile through the lens, "You got that, Mr. Stark? Holographic will?" Peter asks, wanting to get his pun through the video._

Tony never knew when the tears came but he knew how much it hurts to learn that Peter made a will--a 16 year old kid writing a will because he's unsure of tomorrow. Because he is a kid who puts his young life on the line in order to extend other's.

_"Anyways," Peter breathes as he turns serious again, "Last week scared me. I almost died and I didn't even leave anything for you guys. I didn't even give a closure that you guys deserve... you know, like a goodbye,"_

"You selfless little prick," Tony whispers as he shakes his head, closing his eyes, "You're still thinking about others even when you're gone," the man mumbles as he dries his tears away, waiting for Peter to continue.

_"My mom and dad left me without a goodbye... Uncle Ben did too and... I, I know how hard it is to be living without any closure, or any goodbye from someone who's leaving forever." Peter mumbled, looking down to his hands as he fiddled with his blanket._

And Peter looked so _young_ \--too young to even think about these horrible things. And right there and then, Tony blamed himself because he knows that if it wasn't for him, Peter wouldn't be dead right now. Peter wouldn't be on that field battling a fucking alien to save the universe. Peter would've been alive and well, probably laughing in their apartment about something that he have watched from the internet. Probably spending at his best friend's house building a freaking Lego. Probably eating with May in some Thai restaurant in Queens.

Tony was devastated--the grief and the art of blaming himself morphing into one ugly monster inside his head. 

_I killed Peter._

Tony's brows creased as his thoughts started clouding his mind. He stood up, telling himself that he didn't deserve to hear Peter's comforting words because in the first place--this was his fault. He recruited a 14 year old boy into the Avengers. He recruited a kid to be a hero who always lay their lives on the line. And Tony felt like he didn't deserve this--doesn't even deserve to hear the sweet voice of the kid again. Tony reached out to the suit to turn it off because he couldn't watch this anymore... it's... it's torturing him to the core. Because _he_ did this to Peter. Not Thanos. Not Peter himself but him--Tony. Anthony Edward Stark was the one who killed his child.

Tony walked closer, about to turn off the damn thing until Peter continued speaking.

_"Hear me, Mr. Stark..."_

And the man almost felt like a physical blow in his chest as he stopped in his tracks. Tony stared at the hologram, his hands suspended in the air from when he was about to turn the thing off. But Peter's voice stopped him before he could even push the button because it's as if... Peter's _talking_ directly to him.

Tony was shocked. It's as if Peter knew Tony would turn the thing off before he could even finish. It's as if the kid could hear his horrible thoughts in his mind.

 _"Listen to me," Peter sighs, "I know that you might be blaming yourself for whatever stunt I pulled to get me killed. But... I don't want anybody to feel like that... like how I felt, you know. I don't want anybody to live their life in grief, to blame themselves from the death they could not avoid." Peter sighs as he looks back at the camera, "I want to say my goodbye Mr. Stark in order for_ you _to stop hurting... for May, for Ned... for MJ? Maybe? I don't know... For everyone that I'm going to leave behind to stop hurting."_

Tony cried, again. Coming undone as he knelt in front of Peter's hologram, feeling guilty of every thing that Peter just said because yes, he's blaming himself... he's living in a life full of grief and he has been doing these for five years now. And hearing these words from Peter felt like Tony had disappointed his kid. _Because this is not what Peter wants._ And somehow, the words from the kid gave the man courage. The courage to continue listening and the courage to do what Peter might want.

_Peter smiles as he looks shyly towards camera, "I want you guys to continue living just like how you would have lived if you hadn't met me."_

Tony scoffed, almost feeling offended by Peter's last line because he was sure that his life would never have been the same if he didn't meet Peter Parker. 

Because if Peter Parker didn't come to the billionaire's life, Tony would've still be that selfish jerk who only cares about himself and some of the people whom he personally cherish, namely Rhodey, Happy and Pepper. If Peter didn't swing his way to Iron Man's life, Tony would've still be that man who has a big ego who talked to Steve Rogers like he's the best man in the world--genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. If Peter didn't crawl his way to the former playboy's life, Tony would've still be the man who hated commitments, the man who never wanted to have a kid because of the trauma that he experienced through the hands of his own father.

If Tony Stark hadn't met Peter Parker, Morgan Stark is nothing but a dream. Because Tony will do his best in order not to mess up any kid's life--certainly not his own child. Tony would've been scared to be a father but all thanks to a certain kid named Peter Parker, Tony found something within him that Peter made him see.

Tony found the things that Peter adored about him.

Because Peter saw Tony as a selfless little prick just like him, sacrificing his life, time and time again for the benefit of other people--the New York invasion, the battle against Ultron in Sokovia. Peter didn't saw a man with a big ego but rather a humble man who conceals himself with such personality because he's scared to let people enter his life, afraid to get hurt. And most importantly, Peter saw a man worth looking up to--a father figure that the kid certainly craved. Peter knew that Tony was going to be a great father before the man could even have the chance to be one.

Tony shook his head in disagreement as he sighs. _Don't tell me to live like I didn't meet you, Peter. Just don't..._ Tony thought, small tears skidding down his cheeks as he continued to watch.

_Peter mustered a smile, "So--"_

_"Peter?" someone called, causing Peter to stop talking and to look towards his side._

Tony frowned because he knew that voice. It was _his_ voice.

_"What are you doing up? You should be sleeping," the Tony from the video mutters, "Dr. Cho told you to rest, Pete,"_

_"I... I couldn't sleep," Peter lied as he smiles towards the Tony in the video._

_"Uh huh," Tony hums as he sat beside Peter's bed, getting into the frame, "Do I need to sing you to sleep, little baby?" Tony joked, making Peter snort._

_"Mr. Stark, I told you I'm not a baby," Peter retorted, as he glanced warily towards the camera._

_"Yeah, yeah, but I know that you'll only be able to sleep if I sing for you," Tony mutters, smiling._

_Peter smiles, nodding, "That, you're not wrong,"_

Tony smiled, remembering that one of the many times he sang Peter to sleep. Of course, he sang Billy Joel's Lullaby like he usually do. Peter loved that song and it never failed to calm the spider-ling from whatever terrors he was feeling. Tony smiled, remembering the familiar warmth they shared between each other as he hugged the kid into his arms. Tony knew how much Peter loves it when he's encased in anyone's arms--no matter who it is, may it be him, May, or Pepper.

_Tony stood up, "Scoot over so I could cuddle with you, kiddo. I know how much you love my bear hugs."_

_Peter scooted to his right, smiling, "Protocol off," Peter whispered as the screen went off._

The screen beeped again, revealing Peter in his Spider-suit while sitting on top of his bed in their apartment.

_"It's on, Peter," Karen informed._

_"Thanks, Karen," Peter smiles as he fixed the way he's sitting, "Hey Mr. Stark! I'm sorry that the video got cut since, you uhm distracted me," the kid chuckles, "Anyway, as I've said last week... this is a will and there are actually a couple of things I want to say." Peter sighs as he looked at the camera seriously, "So here it goes. Hmm... First and foremost, May. I am the only family May have left and I know that it will be pretty devastating to lose the one and only person you consider family so please look after her." Peter sighs, "She usually works all day at the hospital. Her usual shift is in the morning and the only time she goes home is at night. And... I don't want her to eat dinner alone, Mr. Stark," Peter looked down, looking really sad._

Tony nods, smiling at the kid in front of him, "Don't worry kid, May's not going to eat alone ever again in her life. I'll make sure of it,"

_"I don't want her to feel like she's alone in this world. I know that I must be asking for too much but I just hope you could take care of her like she's a part of your family." Peter mumbles, "I'm all that she's got and once I'm not around anymore, I just want her to be happy. She deserves that so much."_

Tony nods, acknowledging everything that Peter was saying as he sits on the chair he once abandoned, "May does deserve that, Pete," Tony smiles. The billionaire had always been grateful towards May--not only for being a guardian for Peter but for raising up the kid to be as awesome as he was. Tony is thankful for May for raising Peter as blameless and pure the kid could ever be. May's got some awesome parenting skills even though the woman never really had a child of her own and for that, she certainly deserves to be happy.

_"Second: Ned." Peter continued, "I don't actually know what to ask for him. Like, I can't actually ask you to be his friend on my stead just so he won't be lonely. Maybe I could just ask you to give him all the unfinished Lego in my room at the apartment and at the compound." Peter muttered, "Give it to him and let him finish everything, I know he'll love those."_

Tony smiles, his heart warming as he took note about everything that Peter would've wanted. And he made a mental note to clean all of Peter's unfinished Lego and give it to Ned once he have the time. And for the first time today, Tony felt the pain receding, even just the tiniest bit.

_"Third: MJ." Peter smiles lightly as he blushes, "I don't even know why I'm giving her a place in my will." the kid mumbles, "I actually like MJ, Mr. Stark. I find her cool, you know?" Peter muttered, staring at the lens as he smiles yet again._

And Tony couldn't help but to snicker, "I always knew kid," Tony whispers, "I always knew that you liked that girl." Tony added. Because before Peter could even admit to himself that he liked the girl, Tony saw it first through his eyes. Tony noted the glimmer in his child's eyes every time Peter talked about MJ. Tony noticed the tiny tinge of pink in Peter's cheeks whenever he jokes about MJ. Tony always knew and he was just waiting for Peter to realize it on his own. "She would've been a great match for you, Petey," Tony whispers, smiling. Responding to everything Peter says and he doesn't even know why he's doing that. Well, maybe because doing so feels somewhat grounding.

_"I do really like her but I still haven't told her yet," Peter mumbled, "I'm scared that she'll reject me." Peter looked down, probably thinking about the scenario of being rejected, "But, regardless, I just want to give her the book on top of my desk. I've been keeping it until I have told her how I feel about her." the kid smiles, "So if you don't find the book, it's probably because I already told her how I feel but if you find the book, give it to her." Peter muttered, "It's titled 'Eleanor and Park',"_

Tony smiles yet again, the weight in his heart slowly decreasing. Because Tony knew what book Peter was talking about--it was one of the books that the billionaire insisted on buying in one of their trips to the bookstore. He wanted to buy it for Peter but the spider-ling insisted on buying that one particular book with his own money. And now, Tony understood.

_"Fourth: my parents and uncle Ben," Peter continued, "I know that they're already gone too but still," Peter sighs, "I usually bring flowers to my mom and dad's grave every year on their death anniversary and I hope you could leave flowers on their graves on my stead." Peter mumbles, "I also do that for Uncle Ben but I usually visit him every year on his birthday," Peter continued, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, "I know that it's a matter of money but I already calculated how much it'll cost you. Bouquets usually range from 15-20 dollars and it's nothing compared to your billions, Mr. Stark. So I wish that you could spend about sixty dollars every year for me--well, not really for me but for those people that I cherish."_

Tony shakes his head, almost disappointed on Peter when the kid practically computed the expenses, "Come on Pete, you know that I don't really care about money. I don't care if I need to spend thousands every year just to make you smile there in heaven," Tony mumbles, "Don't worry, kiddo, I'll make sure that your parents and Ben will always have a flower every year,"

_"Fifth: Peter pan." Peter exclaims._

And right there and then, Tony felt his heart stop as Peter's voice rang at the back of his head, _"Mr. Stark, have you ever seen the movie Peter Pan?" Peter asks, panting._ Peter asked him if he have seen the movie Peter Pan before the kid snapped and the billionaire wonders why it was so important.

_"I always loved that movie you know," Peter mutters, smiling, "The 1953 one, that's a classic. I don't know if you have watched that before but I hope that you do if ever you still haven't." the kid smiles, "I always loved that movie. I don't really know why but I just like it and actually, I named the protocol after Peter Pan," Peter muttered, informing his mentor, "Peter Pan is a lost boy from Neverland and he never really grows up you know? And there are so many good quotes from that movie that made me cope up from losing Uncle Ben." The kid smiles genuinely as he stared right back at the camera, "Watch it Mr. Stark, it'll do you wonders. And oh!" Peter exclaimed, almost forgetting something as he continued, "Listen to Ruth B's song, Lost boy. You'll love it."_

Tony nods quietly, as another smile crept into his face. He will surely watch the movie and would repeat it for a couple of hundred times until he could quote every line like a master. "This kid never fails to amaze me," Tony mumbles to himself, smiling quietly, "He even managed to squeeze a movie recommendation in his will." But even though the genius was taking the movie recommendation lightheartedly, Tony knew Peter included it in his will for a reason. And he knew what that reason was--Peter wanted to recommend Tony something that could help him cope up with the pain of losing someone. The movie was for Tony--the man was meant to watch it in order to get some meaningful words that could probably help him with the pain.

Because everything that was written in Peter Parker's will was never meant for himself. The will was meant for everyone that the kid will leave behind.

_"Okay, next, you need to listen to this Mr. Stark. Listen to this carefully and please always remember it, okay?" Peter asks, pointing to the camera before sighing, "Sixth: Don't blame yourself." Peter muttered._

Tony smiles painfully as he shook his head, "I guess you know me so much, huh?" the man asks as he rubs his tired eyes with his thumb and index finger. Tony was trying hard not to cry anymore but as if on cue, tears just started falling down his eyes.

 _"This is for you. Well, actually, the next few ones will be all for you," Peter mumbles, "Do not blame yourself." Peter repeated, "I know how severe your guilt complex is and I know too that you will probably blame yourself for my death._ Don't _," Peter exclaimed, putting a conviction in his last words, "Don't do that, okay? If ever I die because of how dumb I am--that's not your fault. That's entirely on me." Peter mumbled, "If I'm so dumb that I bleed out to death in an alley just because I stopped Karen from calling you, don't blame yourself for being late. Because that's on me," Peter muttered, "Don't wallow on the thought that it's your fault that I'm dead, because it's not. That's entirely my fault, do you understand, Mr. Stark?"_

 _Tony. Call me Tony, Peter._ "We're past that name already, kiddo," Tony whispers, trying so hard not to full on sob just so he could still hear Peter's words clearly. "You've already called me dad,"

_"Or if ever I die being a hero, that's not your fault too." Peter continued, "If I decided to put my life on the line just to save you just like what I did back in New York with those aliens--that's not your fault." Peter muttered, "Even if your mind tells you that it is--it's not. I laid my life for you because I wanted to and don't make me regret doing it." Peter sighs again, his heart heavy, "If I died saving a city, or a country, don't blame yourself. If I died throwing my body to stop a mugging, if I died throwing my body in raining bullets to save people... don't blame yourself." Peter muttered, stressing the three last words that he just said. "I chose this life, Mr. Stark. I chose this life to save other people and it doesn't even matter if you have recruited me or not because I will always do it even if I'm just on my sweat suit, hell, even if I'm not Spider-man, I would always gladly put my life on the line if it means giving chance to other people."_

Tony nodded, tears streaming down his face. And at first, the man felt embarrassed for making all these things about himself because he knows it's clearly not. Because just like what Peter said--he's a self-sacrificing little shit and that's who Peter is. Tony couldn't do anything about that because being selfless, compassionate and full of love is not something bad, actually, it's something really good, something great and Tony blaming himself is like insulting Peter's personality and well, his memories.

_"Seventh: keep living." Peter mumbled, "I've tried to stop living when Uncle Ben passed--I did, for two months and it was the worst thing I have ever felt. I was living, but not really living. I barely eat, I don't really shower, I don't go out of my room, I shut people out... don't do that. Not living for two months have been one of the worst thing I have ever done in my life. Not only did I hurt myself but I also hurt the people around me--May and Ned. I hurt the only two people who were left in my life and I should admit, I was a total asshole." Peter chuckles, humorlessly, "So please don't do that and just keep living. Eat a lot, take a shower, go out of your house and interact with other people and most importantly, don't shut people out. The people around you will be the key to fixing your broken heart. Don't push them away like I did--you're just wasting your time. Instead, let them help--cry on their shoulders if you must, go out with Pepper and spend the night together, watch movies with Happy or Mr. War Machine. Let people help you and continue living."_

Tony shook his head, a sad smile creeping on his face as he looks down. Peter didn't understand how much he impacted Tony's life and obviously, the kid doesn't know how hard it would be to continue living where Peter Parker is no longer breathing. Peter probably doesn't know how much Tony struggles with sleeping every night, struggles not to be okay in a daily basis, struggles to keep smiling all day. Peter doesn't know how much pain Tony went through when he first died and now, going through that again is a billion times worse and Tony doesn't even know if he could do it again.

"I continued living Peter," Tony mumbled, "For the past five years I did live... for you, for Morgan... for my family," the man whispers, "And I just hope I'll be able to do it again."

_"Eighth: continue being Iron Man." Peter mumbles, "The world needs Iron Man. They need a man who will save them every time they're in trouble. I may not be there but continue being their hero, Mr. Stark. They just lost one of their hero, they cannot afford to lose another." Peter muttered, "And please, do protect Queens for me. They're really dear in my heart and once I'm gone, I want someone to be there for them."_

Tony smiles, nodding, "I will make sure that Queens will be protected, Spider-man," he whispers. The man didn't know when he started smiling again like he mean it because right now as he smiles, he really feels good--feels better. Because maybe, maybe everything could be okay in the long run.

_"Ninth: love yourself and look after yourself." Peter continued, "If you can, please limit being a 'self-sacrificing shit'--like how you called me. I know that you always care for others, always putting them first before yourself. But please, do put yourself in priority for once in a while, Mr. Stark. And please, love yourself. I know that you really don't always do that and for a fact, I know that you kind of hate yourself." Peter chuckles, "Love yourself Mr. Stark because I will not be there to fill the lack of love you have in your heart. I will not be there to love you anymore so please, do it in my stead--love yourself." Peter smiled._

The billionaire nods, "I could try Pete, but I can't really promise anything." Tony joked, almost laughing but his laugh turned to be a choked, forced out laugh. Because he didn't wanted to laugh, in all honesty, Tony wanted to cry but he knew, Peter wouldn't like it so he tried hard not to--and for the first time, he succeeded. Tony just continued watching the kid, his heart heavy but somehow, the pain was almost manageable. Seeing Peter smile as the kid continued talking, he felt like maybe he could do this--for Peter.

_"Tenth; I know that this is getting pretty long but don't worry, I'm almost near the end," Peter muttered, smiling._

Tony clutched his chest as he choked in his breath. "No, just continue Petey," Tony whispered, "I could watch you all day,"

Tony didn't want this to end. Tony just wanted Peter to continue talking, continue babbling like this was some sort of normalcy. Tony just wanted to have Peter back but he knew that everything ends. And soon, he'll have to continue living again without Peter in his world.

 _"Tenth: please do know that I love you." Peter mumbled, smiling so genuinely,_ Tony could feel it radiate from the hologram.

"I love you too, baby," Tony smiles back, "I love you so much,"

_"I love you like my own father, Mr. Stark, uhm Tony--no, actually, let me call you dad." Peter mumbles, smiling cheekily, "I'm already gone so might as well do this my own way." the kid muttered, "I always like to call you dad, you know? Feels like I'm someone's kid again but every time I try to say it, I get so embarrassed and just shut my mouth. But now, I'm not even going to see how you'd react so I'll just call you dad."_

That was the last straw that made Tony cry, so he did. But he didn't cry because it hurt, rather, he cried because he felt happy to be actually hearing those words from Peter again. The man clutched his chest, silent tears slowly trailing down his cheeks as watched the kid fondly.

_"So let me do that again." Peter coughs, "I love you like my own father, dad," the kid mumbles, smiling. "I know I don't really say it that much but please do know that I love you so much." Peter repeated, "I love you tons, dad,"_

Tony continued to cry with a hint of a little smile in his face. _"Love you dad,"_ He thought that he would never hear those words again coming out of Peter's mouth but well, the kid proved him wrong. "I love you too, baby," Tony said back, "I love you too."

 _"I will_ continue _to love you even when I'm gone. So remember that," Peter muttered, "Lastly and I hope you do this... remember me for my life." Peter mumbles, "Don't remember the dead Peter. Don't remember the look that I have when I died because it will only_ break _you." the kid instructed, "Remember me as the kid from Queens who saves kittens, finds missing bikes and a kid who fights muggers. Remember me as the kid you took in Germany that kicked Captain America's ass. Remember me as the kid who spent my Fridays in your towers, making things that would make difference in this world. Remember me as the kid whom you sing to sleep every night he couldn't sleep. Remember me as the clumsy little kid that always gets into troubles, the kid that you always_ saves _. Remember me as the science nerd who always throw out science puns and movie references whenever he pleases." Peter smiles, chuckling a little, "That's how I wanted to be remembered, dad. I don't want you remembering me for all the reasons--forget those. Forget the minute I lost my breath but remember the times that I_ breathed _. Forget the time I closed my eyes for the last time but rather, remember my wide eyes that always_ looks _at you with trust and determination. Forget the second my heart stopped working because you know that my heart will **always** _live _,"_

Tony was hurting, weeping silently as he continued listening to his kid. It was painful to just sit there, cry and accept everything. But even though he was crying, even though he was in pain--somehow, he felt _good_. Because he remembered that Peter wasn't the marred and scarred face back in the Avenger's compound. Peter wasn't the kid whose heart stopped beating but rather Peter is this kid in front of him--the meaning of life, the brightness of the sun, the rainbow in every storm, the positive in everything... Peter is the good in all things. That is how Tony would remember Peter--a kid full of life.

 _"Remember me as Peter Parker. Remember me for all the nights we spent together at the tower, watching random movies that now we could probably quote like a freaking robot. Remember me for the cuddles we shared whenever each one of us couldn't sleep because of freaking nightmares. Remember me for the thousand of Reese's we shared with each other. Remember me for the hidden injuries that made your hair prematurely grey." Peter snickered, smiling, "Remember me for the hundred times we went to the bookstore together, arguing whose going to pay for my books. Remember me for the countless fights we had that made us not talk for an hour and then apologizing for a million times to each other. Remember me for the millions of time you sang Lullaby in order to calm me..." Peter sighed, still with a smile in his face, "Remember me as_ _a kid from Queens who looked at you more than just a mentor. The Peter Parker who saw you as his father figure and loves you so much. Remember me as the little prick who's a pain in your ass. Remember me for being,_ just _Peter. Just Peter Parker."_

"Okay, Pete," Tony whispers, "I will remember you like that--lively little asshole that manages to make my hair prematurely grey... always," the man added, smiling fondly.

_Peter sighed, smiling, "That's everything I wanted to say, dad," the kid muttered, "I guess this is the end of the line?" Peter asks, "I guess this is goodbye? Wait--no, no," Peter mumbles as he stopped himself, "I'll... I'll not say a goodbye. Because saying goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting. So... I'll pass on the goodbye." Peter chuckles, "That's a reference, dad, hope you got it." the kid mumbles, smiling cheekily, "Anyway," Peter sighs, still smiling, "I'll wait for you there in the clouds. But when you go up there too early, I will surely kick your ass and send you back on Earth." Peter mumbles, "Live long dad, and when your time comes, we'll see each other again."_

Tony nods, smiling, "Then I won't say my goodbyes too, baby," Tony whispers, his cries dying down as he felt comforted by everything that Peter said to him. All the pain in his heart slowly decreasing to an almost manageable throb.

_"I love you so much, dad," Peter said happily, "I love you tons. And you probably know this but tons is about a thousand kilograms so maybe you could say that I love you a thousand,"_

Tony smiles, staring at the kid fondly, "I love you too, Peter, tons,"

_"Everything's going to be okay dad, trust me." Peter mumbles, "Because all you need is faith, trust and pixie dust," Peter winks. "See you again and when you miss me, just look at the stars at night, second star to the right and straight on till morning."_

"Is that another reference, Peter?" Tony managed to ask, smiling.

_"Don't miss me too much!" Peter exclaimed, smiling widely,_

The kid was smiling softly, all warm and cozy like a home after a long day. And maybe, in minutes that Tony spent listening to everything Peter wanted to say from the bottom of his heart, Tony felt like he was _found_. And for the first time in five years, Tony found himself back _home_.

The man's heart swelled. Watching and hearing everything that Peter said just made the man believe that this world truly doesn't deserve Peter Parker. And maybe, the angels up above deserved the goodness of Peter--maybe that is where Peter's goodness could be appreciated more, or maybe, Peter has _always_ been an angel.

_"And oh! Thank you for everything, I'll miss you too!"_

That was the last thing Peter said until the hologram went black and disappeared.

Tony was smiling as the video ended, a beautiful, genuine smile. Tony took a breath, his breath stable--not shaky and certainly, not painful.

He will still cry, Tony was sure of it. He will still bawl his eyes out every now and then. He will surely still break down in the middle of the day just remembering Peter. Tony would still wreck everything in his lab just to get rid of his frustration of wanting to hold his kid back in his arms. He would blame himself from time to time. Tony was sure that he might forget to love himself in the stead of Peter. Tony will still scream his throat raw as he cries for his kid that will never come back. Tony would still cry, sob, weep just to let all the pain out. Because that's his child, his son, _his baby_. It will never not hurt but he knows that even though it'll hurt, everything will be okay.

Tony felt lighter and much better. And somehow, he feels like he can do this shit--you know, living. Because he knows that Peter would always be there to help him get through the pain every day. Because Tony knows that Peter Parker's heart still lives.

And he'll make sure of it because Tony's heart will not only beat for one but for two--for him and Peter. Tony and his family will eat dinners with May in the place of Peter. Tony will make sure Ned and MJ will get the presents that Peter wanted them to have. Richard, Mary and Ben Parker will always have a flower in their graves every year. Tony will love himself to fill the gap Peter left. Tony will keep living, his heart beating not for one, but for two.

Tony will live.

And Tony will find peace again.

Tony will heal.

It might not be an immediate relief from pain but he will get there.

Slowly and surely, he will heal.

Because Tony knew that everything will be okay. How could it not? Peter told him that it will and he _trusts_ Peter.

"Friday?" Tony called as he stared at the place where Peter's hologram used to be.

"Yes boss?" Friday answered back.

"Is there a food place I can order in this time of the night?" Tony asks, "I'm starving,"

"There's a 24-hour burger joint four minutes away from here," Friday answers back.

Tony nods as he took the suit from the table and threw it in the special washing machine that he made especially for Peter's suits, "Order me a cheese burger, and a fries. Order some potato wedges too," the man mumbles.

"Noted, boss," Friday answered back, confirming.

"And please, play Lost boy from Ruth B while we're waiting for my delivery," Tony mutters.

"Gladly boss," Friday answered back.

Tony looked towards the window, the dark night sky looking magnificent as stars twinkled through the night. Tony searched for the star that Peter was talking about--second star to the right. And there he saw, a star twinkling so brightly and the man couldn't help but to smile, "Hey kid," Tony whispers.

_"Neverland is home to lost boys like me_  
_And lost boys like me are free_  
_Neverland is home to lost boys like me_  
_And lost boys like me are free"_

_\- Lost boy by Ruth B._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, this is probably the best chapter I ever did!!! Like, I have been writing fanfictions, stories for years now and this is one rare chapter that I felt satisfied and felt so proud of! AAAAHHHHH, I'm screaming! I hope you guys like the chapter as much as I did. I actually wrote this for almost a week for it to be perfect. PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK IN THE COMMENTS, I SURELY LOVE READING EVERYTHING THAT YOU GUYS LEAVE. I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH ♥
> 
> TONS.  
> THOUSAND.  
> THREE THOUSAND ;)


	4. Concept of time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kinda meh. And actually, I made so many version of this chapter--about Tony getting mad at Dr. Strange for attending Peter's funeral or Tony handing the book to MJ but sadly, I scratched all that and restarted. I finally settled for this version and I think, I like this better--more lighthearted and has a little lesson at the end. Anyways, I hope you guys like this!  
> ♥

_"Everything's going to be okay dad, trust me."_

Tony wanted to trust Peter.

The billionaire wanted to trust Peter so bad, so bad it hurts. Because right now, even if the words are repeated at the back of his mind for a thousand times, even if he wanted to believe Peter's words, even if he aches to be fine, he just couldn't grasp the reality of being okay. No matter how much he tells himself that everything's going to be well, that everything's going to be fine, it just won't get better.

Nothing was getting better for the past few days and damn, today has got to be one of his worst days after all that happened, because nothing was going as he planned. Everything was just falling apart and nothing was just _okay_.

Tony didn't make a perfect egg today so they feasted on a broken egg over breakfast and it irritated him. Tony accidentally threw away some of his formulas for time travelling and no matter how much he searches his database or even his head, he couldn't seem to remember it. Tony had yelled on Morgan when the kid spilled her milk on top of Tony's worksheets and _damn_ , he felt horrible afterwards. Tony had gotten in an argument with May with what color the flowers would be for today's service. Tony was upset because Pepper ordered the wrong food for their visitors and the list goes on.

Today wasn't just the best day for Tony and he was reaching his limits.

And now, Tony just couldn't seem to get a break as he tries to figure out how to tie his own tie because _fuck_ , his hands were trembling so hard. 

"Fuck!" Tony shouted, yanking the freaking black tie from his neck and throwing it to the ground in frustration. "Why is everything not fucking okay?!" he shouted exasperatedly as he collapsed on top of their bed, "You told me that it's going to be okay, Pete... but wh-- why?" Tony asked, breathless.

He was shaking, his hands trembling as his breath hitched, making it a little painful to breathe. The man sighs, burying his face on top of his palms, trying so hard to calm himself because he couldn't afford to have a meltdown right now--he just can't. He was so over the edge and he just wanted to rip his hair away in frustration.

Tony sighs yet again, shaking his head as he searched in his mind why the heck he was feeling like a total crap right now because he doesn't even know why he was so frustrated, why he was so irritated with everything, why he is so maddened about little things. Because it seems like everything was just so wrong for him--from the whirring of the air-conditioner to the wrongly placed angel figurine in their shelf. Everything was getting in his nerves and he just wanted to shout, break everything and just breakdown--but then, he couldn't.

He couldn't do anything of those because today is Peter's day and he couldn't stain any of Peter's memories just because he was frustrated. He couldn't break down any more because this is the day, the day they will say their final goodbye to their hero, to his child, Peter.

The door slowly opened and if not for the man's keen observation, he wouldn't have seen Pepper entering their bedroom.

"Tony?" Pepper called softly and the man made no action to even acknowledge his wife's presence, "Tony," Pepper called again as she sat beside her husband, placing her soft hands on the man's shoulder as she rubs it slowly, "Tony, everyone's waiting for you,"

Tony sighs as he covered his face, now with both his hands, "Just start the service without me," Tony whispers, "I don't think I can do this Pep," he said, his voice breaking.

And hearing those broken words from Tony, Pepper's lips trembled, trying hard not to cry because she knew that if she does, Tony will just break down right there and then, "Peter would've wanted you to be there, Tony," she whispers, "He would've wanted you to place the wreath on the lake with May." Pepper didn't really want talking about these things to Tony because she knew that everything about the funeral was triggering for her husband but she just needed to, "I know that it's hard, darling but you need to at least try and be there."

Tony's tears started to fall and all the pain from three days ago just went back to him full force, hitting him so hard that it made him sob, his heart constricting in his chest as he wrap his mind in the idea of saying goodbye to his son, "I just can't," Tony wept, "I just can't do this Pepper," he mumbles, breathing hard, "I can't say _goodbye_ to my baby."

Pepper's tears finally fell, her efforts futile as soon as she saw Tony breaking down again, "I know darling," she whispered as she pulled the man into a hug, "I know that it must be painful..." she mumbled, "But remember that this isn't goodbye... Peter doesn't want goodbyes," she whispers, remembering Peter's words from the video that they watched with May after telling her everything that happened, "No one's saying goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting," Pepper breathes as she hears the quieting of Tony's cries, "And we're certainly not forgetting Peter, never, in a million years."

Pepper meant everything that she said because she will do everything in her power for Peter's memories to continue even though he's gone. She will make sure to arrange a memorial service every year for Peter in order to keep his legacy alive. She was planning to build a foundation honoring Peter. She will tell bedtime stories about the adventures of Peter Parker to Morgan. She will make sure that everyone on Earth knows how great Peter Parker is because he deserves that much.

Pepper almost sighed in relief when she felt her husband nod while being encased in her embrace because she knows that Tony understood, more than anyone else.

"I'm sorry," Tony whispers as he breaks away from the hug, wiping away the tears from his face as he put on the brave facade that he has been sporting ever since he watched Peter's will.

"It's okay," Pepper smiles, "It's not your fault," she whispers as she consoled the man yet again, rubbing her comforting hands in his shoulders.

"I'll send Peter off," the man whispers, "But..." Tony pondered, "I just really can't do my tie," the man confessed as he eyed the satin black tie that was lying on the floor, silently cursing it for making it so damn hard to do.

Pepper understood as she stood up to pick up the tie and returned to the seat where she was sitting before. She started tying the tie around her husband's neck, understanding that Tony must feel dreadful right now because why wouldn't he? He'll be sending Peter away, as if accepting and finalizing Peter's death.

And she had been a witness of how much it impacted Tony. She watched Tony's late night meltdowns, she witnessed Tony's reoccurring nightmares of Peter dying, she listened outside as she hears Tony breaking everything that he has in his workshop. She watched her husband break down from all the pain that he was feeling and right now, she understood how much this hurts Tony because no parent were meant to bury their own child before them.

She will understand and she will be patient--for Tony and for the kid that she also lost, for Peter.

The whole service was a torture for Tony. He just wanted to run away from this place and just go to a dimension, an alternate reality where Peter was still alive. Because he just couldn't watch everyone mourn for someone as _soulful_ as Peter Parker because it just seemed _wrong_.

It seemed wrong to wear an all black outfit to a gathering honoring Peter because the kid is literally a _rainbow_ \--a kid who brought colors to Tony Stark's monochromatic world. It seemed wrong to see people crying, people sad as they remember Peter Parker because the kid is the _happiness_ in this world--the quirky little kid who loved joking about anything, throwing out hilarious puns and movie references. It seemed wrong to lay out a wreath of red and white flowers on top of the lake with Spiderman's emblem on top of it because it just looked sad and depressing--something that _isn't_ Peter.

But no matter how Tony saw everything around him as something wrong, he knew that this was also something _right_.

It was right to _honor_ Spiderman--Peter Parker one last time for the heroic thing that he did by laying his life on the line. It was right to cry and be sad because a wonderful kid just _lost_ his life. It was right to lay out a wreath and let it float away and let Peter _go_ because he deserves the peace and silence after all the pain and suffering that he endured here in this world.

And at that moment, Tony was _confused_ \--he doesn't even know what to feel, he doesn't even know what was right and wrong anymore. It was as if his mind was just warped into one little goop of messy thoughts and emotions that seemed to be attacking him from inside out.

And with the constant thoughts in his head, with the constant emotions in his chest, he was beat--dead tired and exhausted. And he just wants nothing else but for this to finish, for him to lock himself back in his workshop, try and watch Peter's will again just so he could remember how to _live_ and what to do now that Peter's gone. He wanted to hear Peter's last eleven wishes and make a schedule on when he's going to do it in behalf of Peter. He just wanted to retreat in some place quiet and just listen to Peter's voicemails again, listen to the kid's ramblings and stories. Tony just wanted to go somewhere and just feel that Peter's _still_ here, with him.

But he knew that no matter how much he watches Peter's will, or how much he listens to Peter's voicemails, nothing will bring his baby back. He was just torturing his own self even further, wallowing on the thought of hope that when he play back the videos and voicemails in a certain amount of times, Peter will miraculously come back from the dead and come running back in his arms.

But that's not how life _works_ \--Tony knew that so he decided to give his heart a break and for once, not isolate himself from other people. So he settled to just sit there, surrounded with other people just so he could stop himself from torturing his mind and his heart. He settled to sit quietly with Morgan as he watch everyone in Peter's service. 

The funeral finally ended and everyone settled by the cabin, passing out food and drinks to replenish their stomach and parching throats. People started chatting, talking about the kid who just lost his life. It was like a normal day--people eating, people chatting, people breathing.

But for Tony, it was one of the worst days in his life. To be there, sitting in one of the chairs as he listens to other people's own interactions with the kid that they just lost. It was agonizing for Tony to realize that Peter's _never_ coming back and to actually know that never is an awfully long _time_ feels much more painful.

"Daddy why is there so many people in our house?" Morgan asked as she sat on Tony's lap, leaning in her father's chest as she listens to him breathe.

Tony sighs, caressing his child's brown locks while looking at the white clouds above them, "They're here for Petey, Morguna," the man whispers.

"But why is Peter not here?" the kid mumbled, "Why is he still not coming back?"

Tony's tears started to well up in his eyes but he tried his best not to cry--not wanting to scare his child. Because how could he possibly explain to a child that her big brother is not here because he's dead. How was he supposed to tell Morgan that Peter's never coming back? "Peter went to somewhere far away, sweetheart," Tony whispers as he planted a small kiss on top of Morgan's head, "He went back to where he was supposed to be,"

"When is he coming back here?" the kid asks again, her questions completely innocent as she longs to have her big brother that she never had, "You told me that when he's back, we can play together." Morgan sighs as she buries herself further into her father's arms, "I want to play with him again daddy."

Tony almost missed Morgan's words since the kid spoke too quietly but he was sure that he heard the word _again_ after the kid said the word play. "Again?" Tony asked as he break from the hug to take a look into his child's eyes, "What do you mean play with him again, baby?"

"I played with Peter once," Morgan whispers as she looked down.

Tony's face paled as if he was seeing a ghost because maybe, he is. Because he knows that it would be physically impossible for that to happen, "H-how?" he asked, his voice trembling.

"Peter played with me in my dreams and he was the best play mate in the entire world daddy!" Morgan muttered, beaming, "We played hide and seek and then we played Lego's!" the kid blabbered, getting excited now that she remembered Peter, "He built me this really big castle made out of Lego's and then, and then we talked a little." Morgan muttered, her voice whispering the last words like it was some sort of secret.

Tony didn't know when a smile was drawn on his face, his best guess was when Morgan told him that Peter is the best playmate in the entire world, because if the kid's still here, he would probably be. "Really? What did he say?" Tony asked, his interest lacing through his words.

He was genuinely curious because maybe even though Peter's not here, his son is doing his best to be the best brother for Morgan.

"He told me to keep an eye on you because you're a self-sacrificing little shit just like him." Morgan answered back, her brows furrowing--looking so innocent and cute just after the kid said a curse word.

"Wha-- Morgan!" Tony exclaimed, almost laughing when his child cussed. Don't get him wrong, he didn't like hearing Morgan cuss but hearing those words felt like Peter did really said those things, well, maybe, he really _did_ , "I told you not to use that word! Mommy coined it, it belongs to her."

"But why did big brother said the words too?" she asked, crooking her head to the side as she gave the 'look' to her father.

Tony chuckled a little, smiling towards the angel in front of him, "Don't worry, I'll scold Peter when we see each other again." the man mumbles, "He should filter that mouth of his if he wants to talk to you, besides, big brother is also a kid so he couldn't use that word," Tony finished, smiling genuinely as he bopped the top of Morgan's nose, making the kid giggle.

"Don't worry daddy, Peter apologized to me for saying shit." Morgan answers back, chuckling. "Don't scold him anymore, okay daddy?" the kid asked, "I don't want Peter to be sad."

Tony felt his heart melting, a familiar warmth enveloping his chest as he stare back at Morgan's innocent eyes. He smiled genuinely because he knew that if ever this is some sort of a nightmare, and Peter is still here with them, Morgan would probably always side with her brother. He feels like the two would form an alliance against scolding and angry parents, he was sure of it. Because just look at how protective Morgan is for Peter--the kid is even bargaining in behalf of her big brother. "Okay sweetie," he sighed, smiling softly, "I will not scold Peter anymore."

Morgan nods as she leaned back towards Tony's chest, "I will take care of you just like what Peter told me," the kid whispers making Tony nod in agreement.

"I'm sure you will little miss," Tony whispers as he brushes his little angel's hair, "Did Peter tell you more things?" he asked as he rested his head on top of Morgan's.

"No," Morgan answers back, "Peter just sang me back to sleep and then I woke up."

Tony smiles, hugging the kid tighter in his chest, "Uh huh?" he hums, "What did he sing to you?"

Morgan started humming, humming a song that Tony was so familiar with, " _Goodnight my angel, time to close your eyes,_ " Morgan whispered, her voice carrying out a tune and all Tony could do was sit there, surprised. ". _..and save these questions for another day... I promised I would never leave you,_ " Morgan got the lyrics wrong but he was sure that the song that she was humming was the song very sacred between him and Peter.

 _Lullaby by Billy Joel_ , the song that the billionaire always sang to Peter. A song that he banned to be played in their house for the past five years because he couldn't handle to listen to it--not when Peter was dusted back in Titan. A song that he never listened to again, never even hummed the song because it breaks his heart whenever he did. And the only time that he sang the song again after five years was when he sang Peter to sleep for _eternity_.

And now, to be hearing it from Morgan just made him truly believed that the Peter in Morgan's dream is _really_ Peter. Call him delusional and all but he will believe what he wants to believe. Because no where in the heavens Morgan could've heard that song from anybody else. Because Tony never sang that song to Morgan. Tony and Morgan got their own song while Peter and Tony got theirs. And now, to hear the song from Morgan's lips just melted his heart. Because he was sure--so sure that Peter did really visit his sister's dreams.

"Did he sing wonderfully?" Tony managed to ask as his heart started beating wildly in his chest, a small amount of tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

"Peter is a better singer than you daddy," Morgan answers back truthfully making the man smile.

Tony just chuckled, "I know baby, I know,"

"I just wish I'll dream of him again, or better, I wish he comes back here." Morgan whispers, "I miss him,"

Tony sighs, "I miss him too baby." he whispers back as he settled the kid in his arms.

And for the first time today, Tony's mind and thoughts made sense. It wasn't like a goop anymore--it was just plain thoughts and raw emotions and somehow, he felt better. Because for the first time today, Tony distinguished what was right and what was wrong. And now, in this moment was one of the right things--one of the things that was okay.

Morgan shifted from Tony's hug as she stares back towards her father, "Daddy, do you think Peter loves me?" she asked out of the blue, her brown eyes so innocent just like Peter's.

"Wh-- Why are you asking that darling?" Tony asked, surprised, "Of course he does,"

Morgan frowns as she looked down, "I don't know, it just crossed my mind." she mumbles, "Because if he loves me, why did he leave?" Morgan added, her voice so small Tony almost missed it.

It certainly broke Tony's heart to hear those thoughts from a little kid--a five year old kid, no less. And it just breaks him that Morgan was just so happy talking about Peter a moment ago--all laughter, chuckles and giggles and the next, she was sad thinking that her brother doesn't love her just because he couldn't be by her side.

Tony sighs as he cups the face of Morgan, "Look Morguna," he mumbles, staring straight into Morgan's doe-like eyes, "Peter left because he loves you so much. Peter loves you so much he made a decision to leave in order for you to stay--for us, for everyone to stay." he answers back and even though he knew that Morgan was still so small to understand the severity of the situation, he wishes that it could pacify Morgan's thoughts, "Peter loved you so much Morgan," he mumbled, "He told me that he loves you so much." Tony muttered, smiling towards his child as his eyes crinkled in the process.

Morgan's eyes twinkled, a small smile creeping into her lips, "Three thousand?" she asked.

"Three thousand." Tony confirmed, rubbing his thumb on Morgan's cheeks.

"I love him too, three thousand and two hundred forty-seven," Morgan whispered, giggling.

Tony looked at his daughter, confused, because he certainly knew what I love you three thousand was but three thousand and two hundred forty-seven? _What is this, does my kid loves Peter more than me now?_ Tony thought, chuckling inwardly, "3,247?" Tony asked, confused, "Enlighten me little miss, why did Peter got higher than my I love you's?" he asked playfully, his eyes squinting.

"Because," Morgan muttered, breathing heavily as she smiles widely, "I love Peter 3000 and then, and then," the kid muttered excitedly, "Mommy told me that there is 24 hours in one day and 7 days in one week." Morgan explained with her finger pointed up as if teaching her genius father, leaving Tony awestruck before her, "So, I love him 3000, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week! I love him 3,247!"

Tony looked at Morgan like the kid grew two heads because wow, such a young age to actually understand that idea of time. Because truth be damned, when Tony was younger it was so hard for him to understand the concept of time--hours, minutes, days, all that bullshit. And here is his kid, referencing such complicated concept by saying I love you.

"Wow," he whispered in awe, "Mommy taught you that?" he asked.

"Yup!" Morgan answered back happily, popping her P, "Did I do good, daddy?!" she asked excitedly, "Mommy was so happy when I learned that!"

Tony smiled, widely, almost forgetting all the pain that he felt just days ago, "You did great little miss. I think you deserve a juice pop, what do you say?" the man asked.

"Yeay! Juice pops!" Morgan beamed happily.

"Let's go little Einstein," he muttered as he took Morgan in his arms and carried her inside the cabin, "Juice pops and then we'll watch a movie in mommy and daddy's room, you like that?" Tony asked, completely oblivious to the people who was outside their cabin because he knows that Pepper and May could already handle them. For now, Tony needed time--time to be okay and just come to terms about everything that happened for the past few days. And well, he feel like he'll be able to do that with the help of the little kid in his arms.

"Movies!!!" Morgan exclaimed happily, "What are we going to watch daddy?" she asked.

"We'll watch Peter Pan," Tony mumbled winking at Morgan, making the kid giggle.

And for the first time that day, he finally believed Peter's words. _Yeah, I think everything's going to be okay, Pete._ Tony thought. _As long as I have this little miss by my side I think everything's just going to be okay._

Tony set Morgan down as the kid ran towards her mother and father's room, leaving Tony standing in the kitchen with juice pops in his hands, a small smile creeping in his face.

Then the thoughts dawned on him--like a bucket of water pouring over him.

"I guess I was just rushing it, Pete." Tony whispered to himself, "I guess it was time that I needed for everything to be okay because surely, three days wasn't going to make everything okay in one snap. It was just three of the days towards a day somewhere in the future where everything is finally all right. But for now, I'll use my time to continue loving you 3000, 24 hours a day, 7 times a week. I'll miss you the same too." Tony muttered as he looked at the window, overlooking the blue and white clouds outside, "I love you 3,247 Pete." he whispered, "Just give me time and I'll make sure that everything's going to be okay... just _not_ now."

Everything was going to be okay--it really will. The only thing that Tony forgot is that it takes time to get there. Being okay wasn't an overnight job--it wasn't an instant thing that will happen immediately. It takes hours, days, months, maybe years to accept everything. Being okay wasn't something forced because if it is, then maybe you're still really not okay. And forcing it will only harm you rather than heal you.

And today, Tony learned that--answering the question in his mind on why he was over the edge today. He was frustrated, angry, irritated and over all mad because he was forcing himself to be fine. He was pressuring himself to be well, he was obliging himself to be back to normal just because Peter told him that it was going to be okay. But that was a mistake because a small amount of time will not make it okay. He needed more time to be better and now, he understood that--all thanks to the small Einstein in his bedroom and for that, he was thankful.

Tony started walking towards their bedroom, finding Morgan already sprawled out in the bed, watching the movie and he couldn't help but to smile as he hears the music playing from the television.

_"The second star to the right shines in the night for you to tell you that the dreams you plan really can come true. The second star to the right shines with a light so rare and if it's Never Land you need, it's light will lead you there."_

Tony smiled as he cuddled with Morgan on the bed, taking the kid's head into his arms as they watched the colored animation in front of them, just like how he did whenever Peter and him had a movie time in a Friday night. And this right here was something _right_ , something great.

And now, he wasn't confused.

He wasn't okay too.

But that's fine because he knows that he will get there.

Slowly...

... with time and with love.

_I think everything's turning out okay, Pete. I guess I just really need to trust you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scream at me at the comments section, I love reading all your comments--it makes my day everytime! Love you guys!
> 
> Tons.  
> Thousand.  
> Three thousand  
> 3,247.
> 
> You'll never know, maybe we'll reach I love you 5000 XD


	5. Next Chapter

Hey guys, I just posted the continuation of this book and actually, I posted as a different story titled **THE STARLIGHT.**

The story talks about the aftermath of Peter's death.

You will see how his friends and family cope. You will also find out if Tony really did everything he could to fulfill Peter's will.

If you want to see the chapter, click NEXT WORK in the series TRIP TO NEVERLAND.

Or, you can just go to my profile and search for it.

That's all, thank you guys 💞


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